The excerpts from the last mail I have sent her I’m Sam (name changed), a student of IIT Madras. I had been in a relationship with a girl in my hometown for four years. We were so happy and everything was so perfect. Then all of a sudden I started thinking a lot about the future. I sensed that our parents might not approve of our marriage and on one fateful day I did the forbidden. Breakup! That was the biggest mistake I have ever committed in my life and I realized it in less than 2 months. But it was too late, the damage was done. It has been one long year that I am desperately trying to get her back but she is no longer interested to get back to me. I know that she still loves me, but somehow she is not convinced. I have tried every possible was to get back her confidence but I failed every time. This email was my last attempt to get her back. These are the excerpts from the last mail I have sent her. Shivani, I never bothered looking into your past. I never cared even though you had been with others in the past. I was always happy because I knew that the future is mine. There had been many instances when you made me feel that I was just an option for you. Remember,when I was in fiitjee hostel and I was not allowed to have a phone?And remember how close you got to Ankit just because you could talk to him whenever you wanted, where as I had so many restrictions? You made me feel that you just needed a guy to talk, but I needed only one girl... You. In IIT, the time when we were happily committed to each other, I used to save each and every penny! Literally. I never had a cup of coffee even though I loved it so much. Never ate a chocolate or had a cold drink even in this hot Chennai climate. Avoiding a bottle of coke would mean 50 minutes of talking to you and I always chose the latter one.I never made a call to anyone.. Not even to my closest of friends. Hello tunes and other fancy stuffwere out of the question.I saved each and every bit just to talk to you because phone calls were the only source of communication between us. That was the only thing that could bridge the gap between the two metros and give me a reason to live, every day. Ever wondered how u always ran out of talk time whereas I always had? My dad is not a millionaire. It’s because I had my phone exclusively for u! A ‘Rs. 26/- worth Message Pack’ was all I had for the rest of the world.Almostall of my monthly expenditure was just phone recharge and nothing else.That’s what you meant to me. That’s what you still mean to me… My first priority had always been you. I don’t believe in saying Love You and Kiss You to my other female friends. Not because I consider it a taboo.It’s because I know that it will make you feel insecure even though you might not say or you might not see me doing it. My conscience would not let me do it. You are the only one I ever desired. I can share everything I have but I can’t share you with anybody else. Call me impossible but let me disclose, I am possessive… A way too much for you.You must have heard that boys don’t cry. The truth is boys do cry in their privacy (sometimes maybe more than girls). Whenever I see you flirting or getting too close to any other guy, I feel a rare kind of emptiness inside me. I don’t have a set of vocabulary that good to express that feeling. I too cried… many times… Invisible and inaudible to anyone around me. Yes I did hurt you many times. I’m not a perfect person after all. There are many things I wish I never did. But I always tried to make you happy, give you surprises that would make your day. I spent hours building up just the right pickup line for you. I love you as my own flesh. Maybe even more than that.. I cancelled my flight trip to Chennai just because I didn’t want to leave you alone. I wanted to accompany you in the bus. I know that you are grown up and you can travel alone. But some fundamental problems always exist. I have once left you alone (I’mstill repenting for that). I didn’t want to do it again. You know, I haven’t slept that entire night in the bus in my attempt to give you a comfortable journey. That seat had no support. Every time the driver applied the brakes the inertia would push me ahead waking me up. I loved giving you my seat so that you could sleep comfortably occupying both the seats. Coz it was for you. That was one of the best nights I have ever spent. Let me confess, I smelt your hair while you were leaning against my arm. I knew you wouldn’t like it. But I kept my promise I didn’t touch you.Not at all. Except for the time when you placed your hands on mine or rubbed your face against my arm, subconsciously. I tried to be a good lover,a good boyfriend..Don’t know what went wrong! Should have tried to be a perfect person first…. That day when we went out for the movie, I asked for one whole day because I wanted to create some kind of spell on you:P like they show in hindi movies. It was just another effort to get you back. Trust me I had no intentions of touching you. I’m sorry that my arms touched yours in the theatre. My bad.I’m sorry. That day, you had been as rude to me as possible.You made me feel that I mean nothing to you and that you have come out with me just as a social service. But inspite of all these, I still likedour meet that day. Your presence is enough. I don’t need any other female companion to make me feel good.I longed for you and only you. I’m single that doesn’t mean that I’mavailable. I can control myself and live the way destiny has in store for me. And now i m compelled to believe that you are totally over me. You have got more important things and people in your life now. I wanted to have you as a friend at least. But now i feel that I can’t live up to your satisfaction and expectation. Even if we stay as friends, some day or the other, I ll surely ask you to come back to my life. I ll surely try and touch you someday. Allthese things will piss u off and I don’t want to piss you off anymore. Its better we part ways. :’( If you ever change your opinion, don’t hesitate to call me up. I ll still have the same no. If you ever want to know how I m or what i might be thinking, without talking to me, just read this mail. You ll get all your replies. I wish you find your perfect person soon. (Unless you have already found him) But let tell you something. Even 100s of Karans or Siddhants or anyone else will ever be able to love you as much as i do. I don’t knowhow much they love you or whether they even love you. But still this is something i can very confidently say! I’m Sorry if that was abusive. And before I forget, I wanted to give you a parting gift. (Only if you approve) It’s a book. I won’t meet you for giving that. Is there any place where I can leave it and from where you can collect it?Well you may read it, throw it or gift it to someone else... It’s your choice after all. But I’d want you to read it! Bye.. She did meet me for one last time. I gave her the book, “I too had a love story – Ravinder Singh”. I cry every night… but I still believe that she will come back to me one day. I’m waiting…. #Bravo
Posted on: Wed, 10 Dec 2014 12:53:37 +0000
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