The following are a list of ordinances, put forth by a team of two lumberjacks, whom shall not be identified at this time, that are to be followed without deviation until the responsibilities of all parties involved in the respected duty have expired: 1. No splitting wood on weekends 2. Wood is only to be split between the hours of 8 and 4 3. The size of the wood is up to the discretion of the person or persons receiving said wood. Exceptions to this rule occur during the hours of 11:30 and 12 and any time after 1:30. During these times every piece of wood in sight must be forced through the splitter no matter how large or small. After 1:30 nothing over 5 lbs. 4. Never under any circumstances work to full capacity. Stalling, delaying, horsing around, tom foolery, loitering, soliciting, drafting, drifting* see also barrel rolling, designing, blue printing, prototyping, testing/experimenting, seeking OSHA approval for the construction of, constructing and/or destructing pyramids, shooting the breeze, shooting paintballs, make supreme pizza runs to neighboring towns, going to the theatre, and many other actions not mentioned are not surchargeable offenses; in fact they are recommended habits for anyone splitting wood long term. With the exception of barrel rolling. Please. Please dont do that. 5. For the love of god dont leave the tractor key turned to the right. Unless you want to meet Lou Ferrigno aka Nate Carter when hes 13 ice coffees deep and his gloves are disintegrating off of his hands from malpractice* see also splitting wood, and its raining and snowing and below zero and all this poor young soul wants is the 100 year old tractor to turn over and it doesnt. 6. Pay extra attention to previous ordinance. Trust me. 7. John Deere tractors are not fit for the respected duty. 8. No wood is to be split if the temperature is above 32 and/or if the wind speed is below 6.78901 kilometers per minute. 9. Any vehicle newer than 2000 is not allowed within a 500 yard radius of the pile and/or tractor in use at any time. See print version of ordinances for accurate tractor year make and model limitations. 10. All wood must be stacked properly near splitter before it is to be split, see fig. 1.1 11. Dont die on the first day Figure 1.1
Posted on: Thu, 27 Mar 2014 21:18:38 +0000
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