The lady on the plane talked to me the entire. way. home. What she said deserves its own list to be shared with the world. Too good to keep to myself. (As a bit of background, she grew up as the youngest of 18 children in rural Missouri. Ill get to that in the list.) 1) Her parents had 7 boys, then 3 girls, then her. (Thats 11 if youre counting.) When the Dewey boys parents died (there were 3 boys), there was already an agreement made that her family would take them in. 2) The Dewey boys names were Huey, Louie, and Dewey. 3) Another local set of parents died and her family took in their 3 boys. (Up to 17 now). 4) One day, when she was little, she found a baby on her porch. She took it in and was giving it some food and...My momma said quit feedn that baby doll yer food! And then she looked again and hollered THATS A REAL BABY! (This makes 18.) 5) They never did know that babys name but they called him Junior. 6) Once her brother was fixin to chop some wood and she came up behind him and yelled WhatCHAdoin? and the brother dropped the axe backwards and it landed on her head. 7) Her Cherokee grandma packed the gash full with bear fat and some leaves. Bear fat looks like butter. Not like regular fat. No stitches were required. 8) Once her brothers (all 14 I guess?) went to gig some fish. (gig?) And she snuck out and was at the pond before they even got there. Oooh, they were mad and told her to go home. She stepped on the gig (?) and cut a gash in her foot and she hollered and hollered. The brothers picked her up and ran her home but told her to stop her hollerin or Daddy would kill them. Put some dirt in it! she yelled. They stopped and packed the cut full of dirt, because thats what her mother told her to do. She stopped crying. 9) When her mom was old and dying she found out her mom had not 1 but 2 sisters. The second sister got bit by a rape-y dog! (rabid?) and was tied up to a bed in her room. Her mom confided that shes pretty sure her dad shot her when he realized she wasnt gettin no better but theres no proof. 10) Junior (the front porch baby) grew up to do a bit of drinking and shot his son-in-law in the forehead out in a field. He was sentenced to life in prison but she went for a visit and found him dying of cancer. 11) The prison cremated him and gave her a mason jar full of his ashes. They took her out in the prison yard and told her to put the ashes in a hole with his prison number above it on a small square. She put the jar in the whole, was chastised by a prison official (We reuse those jars!), and the official took the jar from her and dumped her brothers ashes right in that hole. She yelled and hollered at him. 12) She had 11 miscarriages before getting pregnant. She had a boy and a girl. The girl came out express mail. She got to the hospital where they shaved half and then she came out! Then they shaved the other half! She said, Why didnt you just leave it? That hurts! I mean, it itches! 13) Then she got her tubes tied and got pregnant again right away after that. She called the doctor and gave him what for and called her husband and gave him what for. She lost that baby. 14) Her husband suffered little heart attacks all his life and finally died from one. The first one she saw was when they were picking cotton together. He fell on a cotton bail and his momma and daddy said to just leave him and that hed wake up fine in a bit. He did, although sweaty and white as a ghost. They didnt know these were heart attacks at the time. 15) When the husband was about 50 and knew hed die of heart problems, he took his wife to a bar even though they didnt drink. He arranged for her to be driven home by another man in the bar in hopes that shed marry this new guy when he died. She was very angry about that. 16) Its good she didnt marry this guy because he showed up in the news not long after as some kind of big drug seller. 17) Her granddaughter has 4 holes in her heart. Shes 10 and had 2 surgeries and is fine now. But she has 2 surgeries to go. 18) Her husband, Roy, was the nephew of the lady and guy who lived across from her. The guy was a drunk and beat up the lady real good, and they also had a son named Junior. 19) Roy and her wanted to date when she was 12 and a half and he was 17, but her Daddy said she couldnt date him until she was 13. So they waited. 20) When she visited Junior in the jail/hospital, he was asleep and she walked out saying That aint my brother! Turns out people have different bone structures when theyre lyin up and when theyre lyin down. When he bolted up (surprised to find here there, although the bolting up was complicated by the fact that he was tied to the bed- like the rabies great-aunt, I guess), she finally recognized him. 21) On her wedding day to Roy, her momma left and never came back. Shes still sore about that. 22) Her grandma had a special medallion proving Cherokee heritage that looked like a dog tag. She got it when the grandma died at age 108 and gave it to her daddy. When her daddy died, she never found it, which is too bad because it could have gotten her kids cheaper rates to college if they wanted to go. 23) When her daddy and her grandma were outside talkin Indian, you knew something really bad was going to happen. 24) Her daughter didnt make it to the hospital to see Roy alive because she was too busy doin her hair n make-up and she told her so, but wishes now she hadnt. 25) Before the prison put Junior in the fire to be cremated, she saw him there, naked and in a cardboard box. She was outraged. Put a blanket on him or somethin! Give me a comb and a washcloth! She fixed him up a bit and covered him with a sheet. Why you doin that? said a guard. Were just gonna burn em. HES MY BROTHER! she yelled. She gave them what for. 26) Another brother almost went blind. He was in the service in Germany during the Vietnam War. They were going to take out his eye because there was nothin they could do for him. In addition, they wanted to know if they could keep his eye to practice cataract surgery on it. HELL, NO! he said, and started to leave the office, wherein he saw a young German girl with a white cane (going blind.) If I give my eye to this little girl, right now, free of charge, can she have it? he asked the doctor. They thought about it. Ok. Oh, the girl was so happy! 27) Another brother died of lung cancer. He had shankles (shingles?) when he was in the hospital. A ring of em around his stomach. He was fat and had diabetes. I think I got somethin else down there! he said and lifted the sheet. There was another ring under his ring of fat. Ring of shingles, ring of fat, ring of shingles. She was mad at the doctors for not noticing this second ring and hollered at them and gave them what for. 28) She almost died when her uterus was removed. Her heart stopped. After the surgery, the nurses wheeled her back to her room and warned her, Dont look at your stomach! Her husband saw her and said, Dont look at your stomach! So she lifted the sheet and looked. She was covered with bruises from her neck to her pubic hair and her stomach looked like hamburger meat. WHAT HAPPENED? she shouted. Turns out they had to punch her real good to get her heart started again. 29) After the 4th miscarriage, she lost her mind. She got on a Greyhound bus and was gone for 45 days. She woke up on a park bench in Reno covered in newspaper and noticed a man staring at her. She slid the paper down, took a peek at him, and pulled the paper back over her face. I KNOW YOURE NOT SLEEPIN! he said. She looked down and saw she was wearing short shorts, a sheer black top, and Go-Go boots. They still had the Goodwill tags on them. She reached in her pocket and found a key and asked the guy if he knew what the key was. He did. It was to a Greyhound bus station locker. He took her there and inside was her purse and a bus ticket. She got on the bus. 30) Next thing she remembers shes in California, still in the shorts, the sheer shirt, and the Go-Go boots. She found herself running across 6 lanes of traffic. 31) Once she tried to kill herself. She never told nobody. She saw a semi coming down the road and she steered into it. She steered left and it quickly steered right. She narrowly missed it and decided to go home because her kids would be wondering about now where she was. 32) Once she got in a car accident and the airbags went off. The airbags didnt hurt, but some metal down near her lower legs shot off and hit her legs. Once leg is still discolored from it. 33) Roy always brought other people along on their dates. One time, he showed up alone. She made him go back and get his sisters to join them because she was afraid Roy would try something he aint tried yet. She had her first baby at 17. Im sure theres more. I know theres more. But its nearly 2 a.m. and Im tired. Let it be known that after I got off the plane and while I was waiting for my bags at the carousel, more than one person approached me and noted that I had quite the talker next to me on the plane. Um, yes...I sure did.
Posted on: Wed, 23 Jul 2014 07:01:34 +0000
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