The last 72 hours in My Life has been for the most part Simply Amazing . Let me repeat that Simply Amazing I have come to the end of a long journey I was on. My Therapist Marci told me a few weeks ago she could see that I was almost there. She was right and on Monday it will be our last Session. Im going to miss her so much she has become more than just a Therapist to me but a Dear Friend. She took on the task of trying to repair a broken down Man who was on his last leg. I remember our first Session. I pretended I was holding a Box and She asked me Mark Whats inside the Box ? I then pretended to pour the contents inside my Box out onto The Floor. I looked at Her and said here is my Heart which is in a million pieces. See it ? Laying there on your Floor ? And then I asked her can you help me put it back together again ? Her answer : Im sure gonna try Mark. I cried so much in our First Session. She just Let me cry out all the Pain I was holding inside me ! As the weeks turned into months my Therapy continued we were finding out who the real Mark England was. I began to love myself and to Forgive myself. And to right all the wrongs I had made in my life. Therapy has helped me so much and I recommend to anyone if you feel your Life is getting out of Control Dont feel ashamed seek the help you desperately need. There are programs out their to help those with no Insurance. I fell into that category and even though I had to pay for my sessions It was at a reduced cost. So again if you feel lost in your life and youve done all you can and just want to give up Dont ! Help is out there for you. Im excited about this coming Monday because I know I have won the Battle. The Battle of my depression The Battle of my Insecurity The Battle with my Demons All behind me now. My new life has begun. Its hard to believe but 7 months ago on this exact day which was January 23rd I thought about ending my Life. Yea I had reached an All-time low. I think back now on that day and ask myself why would you ever have a Thought like that Mark ? It was depression plain and simple. It can put Thoughts in your head and unless you seek Help it can go from Bad to Worse. Some people even with Help their depression takes them from us. They lose the battle ! Not because they were Weak it was just more than they could bare. And their method of how They ended their battle was the only relief they Could find. I know all to well the dark Places they went too. Some people question is There a Hell ? Oh yes there is and the Devil is alive and well. As Ive stated in some of my recent posts I know What he the Devil looks Like. I dont ever want to see His face again. That is Why I turned my life over to God. He help me out of the Hell I was in. By the grace of God I was saved and given a New Life and New chance to change my life for the Better. In fact I was baptized Back on July 13th. Im a born again Christian and proud of it. Some people say there is no God ! And thats their right to believe what they want to believe. But I know there is a God. He saved me that Night in that motel room. He took my hand and I will never again let Go of his. Im not going to waste Another minute of my Life on petty things Anymore. Its not worth my time. I have better things now to do in my new life. Something else amazing that has happened recently in my new life. My Heart has awakened. Even though Im not Talking to you face to Face but only behind The Keyboard of my Smart Phone I will try to get through this Part without crying. Because my Heart is so full right now it Could bust. I have recently met Someone. We started talking just a few days Ago. Have you ever heard the Old saying I feel I have Known you all my Life ? Well that is what has Happened to me. I started talking with Someone who I feel Ive known all my life. We hit it off from the Start. We have so much in common. Its so Magical when we talk. The moment I heard her Voice my heart was Re-Awoken. I had buried my heart so deep inside me after My Divorce because I never ever wanted it Hurt again. And I told myself I Would never trust Anyone with my Heart again. But like I said something Magical has happened. My Heart is ready to Give Love another Chance. My heart is healed. Stronger now and wants Oh so much to give Everything it has to Someone special. But before my heart Could move on like me It had one last thing to Do. It had to finally convince Itself if it truly loved Someone. It would do anything to Make someone happy. Even if it meant telling Someone goodbye. It could only endure saying goodbye to its Past. Because saying hello Again to someone new will be all the Sweeter ! I want to live a thousand Lives with someone new Now. I want to be the one their Dying to Love. The person I have been Talking to well Im sure by now some of you know who she is from my recent Posts. Her name is Tamera Tucker. She is such an amazing Lady ! We have so much in Common. Parallel lives to be exact and we are like a glove and a hand. Its just amazing no its Magical. And our Hearts are going to see where This goes. She like myself seeks For true love and Compassion in her life. I know my Heart can give her what shes searching for. In fact I know it can ! This is what I have waited Patiently for as some have asked me to do. To heal to learn to love Myself first. You must do this first Mark before you take Your next step. Well Ive done all that. Im ready now to take my next step. Im ready to love again. Im a grown Man not a Boy. This is my life and Me and me alone will make my own Decision. Right or wrong its full Steam ahead. But my Heart is telling Me its oh so right ! Im looking forward to This New adventure in My new life. Tamera wants to be loved She wants someone in her Life to show her respect Admiration, Compassion, Gentleness, she wants all that and more. What woman doesnt want that from a Man. I can give her all that and more. I know I can. One day at a time. One step at a time. God put me on this Earth for a reason. And that reason was to live my life to the Fullest. Be all I can be ! And Love someone with all my Heart ! He gave me a second Chance. Im not going to blow the 2nd part and last Part of my life. Im going out with a Bang !!!! I told Tamera last night if I had a wish to make It would be to see myself In a Rocking Chair old and grey watching the Sunset And looking at Her while I was holding Her hand and telling Her thank you for giving me another day To Love You ! My heart doesnt lie it never has it would not know how too. You know I write about Love and such many times. Maybe because I want It so much. Nothing wrong about That (: In closing I remember Someone telling me And its not important to name the person Who said this statement to me. But if you use alittle bit of your Imagination I bet you can guess But they said Mark you will Never and can Never change your ways . But I would tell them now if i ran into them dont be so sure of Yourself ! Because Im not who I was ♥♥♥♥ So to close out my old Life once and for all Tonight . I dedicate this song to that someone who Said I could never change ! Sorry to disappoint you.
Posted on: Sun, 24 Aug 2014 01:02:09 +0000
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