The last few days have presented me with some incredibly deeply challenging emotions. The emotions have been triggered by the simplest of words/actions by someone for whom I have a strong, deep connection to - someone for whom I have huge amounts of respect, love and compassion towards. Perhaps it is because of this connection with them that my emotions and my subsequent reaction have been so severe, so strong, so seemingly long lasting. I am overwhelmed by the flood of emotions that seem to have overrun me since Saturday night. Is this so hard to deal with because Im no longer triggered into such a state of reaction as often as I used to be? Is it because Ive created an energetic construct within which I expect to live my life without the permission to be vulnerable with those I care most deeply about? Or is it because the emotional attachment to this individual runs much deeper than I ever expected it to? Whatever it is, Im certainly looking forward to not being triggered is such a grandiose fashion in the future. Ive experienced the joy of not being triggered in situations wherein I wouldve been triggered in the past, so I know that it is entirely possible not to react to everything from a place of negativity, anger and pain. It will get easier that much I know. Im also aware of how this person is crucial to my personal transformation. The intensity that lies within our relationship is beyond what most mainstream society would say is normal - but what is normal anyways? Not some societal construct that gives people permission to go running the other direction the moment the slightest problem appears. To me, normal is facing it head on, no matter how scary or painful it may be. It is having compassion for myself and for the other person involved. It is about persevering and seeing it through to completion - once there, a stronger relationship is often found, along with much stronger individuals on both sides of the equation. I understand that you, my dear friend, have been sent to test me. Without these experiences, I would not be forced to face this stuff and would remain stuck. I am sorry for my words of anger and brutal honesty when triggered the other night. Thank you for being that trigger and for being a crucial part of my life.
Posted on: Mon, 29 Dec 2014 11:56:55 +0000
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