The list of people I can talk to is growing shorter and shorter as each day goes by. Some people look at me and pretend that they care…but once they realize how far the pain and guilt reach they lose interest pretty quick. I can see it in their eyes…they believe that I’m holding onto something I should just let go of because they have already moved on. I guess I can’t blame them…I mean how can I expect them to understand how tight we were. I try to explain it to them bro…I really do. Like I said, they lose interest pretty fast once they start to relate where I’m coming from. I was there…just a couple hours after it happened. I started arguing with the police because they wouldn’t let me go to the house and get Angel. You would’ve been proud…I honestly thought they were going to arrest me because I was making that much of a scene. I called a lot of people that night…standing at the end of your driveway because the police wouldn’t let me take a step unsupervised. I was doing my best to stay strong and control the situation. Not so much for me but for everyone that I was calling. It worked at first…then all of a sudden I heard your Dad’s voice on the other end of my cell phone. I cracked bro…I started shaking and crying beyond the point of control. I just kept apologizing…I still don’t know if I was apologizing for what had happened or for the fact that I wasn’t there for you just like I told you I always would be. Like I said, I showed up a couple hours too late. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about what might have been if I was there with you when it happened. I know it’s not a weight I should carry…people tell me that all the time. There are times when I agree with that…then there are times when I do not. I guess the question I need answered is…who I look to for forgiveness. G
Posted on: Sun, 17 Nov 2013 18:49:47 +0000
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