The loss of a child is an indescribable journey. So many levels of hurt. Imagine having a child and NEVER being able to talk about that child without making others sad or cringe. Imagine having someone tell you that you must forgive when someone deliberately and for no reason took your childs life. Imagine having someone tell you at least you have the memories. Think about that for a minute. Would it be ok with you if someone took your child away and you could never see, hear or talk to them again. Would it really be ok that you have the memories??? Memories that should make you happy... only make your heart bleed. Imagine trying to have a normal holiday... hearing everyone say Merry Christmas or Happy Thanksgiving and God forbid Mothers day and Fathers day. And that childs birthday. ANOTHER birthday that you not only dont get to celebrate, but you can hardly make it through the day without retching. And, oh yeah, imagine living through the day that they were no longer on this earth. Every minute of the week before is torture. You relive the whole tragedy. Every day of life is spent comparing life now to how life would be if they were still here. How would Easter be? How many little ones hunting eggs and getting their pictures taken in their pretty new outfits? Imagine if you will hearing everything happens for a reason. Wow. I can not think of a single reason for anyone to point a gun at my daughters face and pull the trigger and with one shot end her life forever and destroy life for those of us who NEEDED her. I actually had a lady ask me what did she do to make him shoot her? How do you respond to that? All I want is to be able to talk about my beautiful daughter. No Cliché. No kind words. Just talk about her to someone. Each year gets harder and harder. Time moves on. People forget. No one remembers this REMARKABLE young lady who was the bubbliest, funniest, and wittiest child you would ever want to know. Life isnt fair, we all know. We hold our heads high, we do ALL that we can do to help other people each and every day of our lives. We remember her quietly. Bathe in our own hell. Handle it the best way we know how. Every day is a new hurt. Every day is a new reason to remember. Every day is a I wish she could have been here for this. Tonight I feel robbed. Everything hurts. My mind my body, my heart, my soul. Every cell in my body aches form the tips of my hair to the tips of my toes. Every thing in me is screaming in protest, No, no, no... this cant be true. Even though I know she is in Heaven, it still hurts like Hell! I will never move past the death of my daughter. Consider yourself truly blessed if you dont understand.
Posted on: Tue, 20 Jan 2015 00:46:39 +0000
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