The morning, afternoon or evening that my late parents (may their souls keep resting in peace) were passionately making me, the gods decided that I would come out light-skinned. First god: Hey, look at them. They are making a baby. Second god: Yeah, theyre making a baby. First god: That baby is going to be a big, big arsehole. Second god: Yeah, the baby is gonna be an arsehole. First god: Lets punish that baby. The arseholery it will give to the world cannot go unpunished. Lets put a curse on this baby. Second god: Yes, lets put a curse on the baby. First god: The first curse will be giving it a vagina so that it can be born a girl. Oh, the pains of menstruation and childbirth and just generally being a woman! Hahahaha!! Second god: Generally being a woman hahahahaha!! First god: The second curse will be giving it big boobs. Oh, the struggles of big titty problems! Hahahahaha!! Second god: Big titty problems hahahaha!! First god: The final curse will be giving her a light skin. Of course, it is only natural since one parent is white, but we know that having such a light skin is a nightmare! Hahahahaha!! Second god: A nightmare hahahahaha!!! First god: Okay, youre beginning to irk me, Second god. Stop echoing me. Having a light skin is not all sparkly and lovely. Being one myself, I know what Im talking about. 1. Sunburns. You get sunburns fifteen minutes after being exposed to direct sunlight. 2. This means that you have to always include at least 500 boxes of sunscreen in your monthly budget. And even when you smear a generous cake of sunscreen on your face, somehow, it never works. 3. Very conspicuous, ugly green veins beneath our skins. Not pretty. 4. Ever seen mosquito bites, ant bites, or pimples on a light-skinned person? Horrid and frightening, right? Yep. Those pink spots of hideousness are such a blow to our self-esteem. 5. When being physically attacked by an attacker, you plead with them not to hit you anywhere in the face because it will be very difficult to live with a very red or purple face for two or three weeks. 6. When its cold, your skin becomes pale or pasty. 7. Which forces everyone to feel your forehead with the back of their hands and in a very concerned tone, ask, Are you sick? 8. You practically glow in the dark. 9. When you go to the beach to tan, you end up looking like a lobster. 10. You always look for shade when outdoors. Because of #1. 11. You love Instagram because at least it has filters, which you ALWAYS use. 12. Finding the perfect foundation for your skin is what finding a needle in a haystack is all about. 13. Old age wont be kind to you, because unlike a darker skin, light skin gets more gaunt with old age. 14. Your accessories are mainly very large sunglasses and very wide-brimmed sunhats. 15. You hardly look good in white.
Posted on: Mon, 14 Jul 2014 08:53:02 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015