The most complex thing I have ever done is try to simplify my life. I am unraveling years of business & dissolving partnerships intending to put new business in place in a elegant, simply way. I have developed a hair trigger stress mechanism. Sometimes a little more paperwork or one contentious phone call looks like a hungry sabertooth tiger at the mouth of my peaceful cave. Flight or fight kicks in...usually fight. It is a Tsunami of stress chemestry splashing over my brain. Great if I could throw a spear or rock at the pimitive preditor but spears thrown at cell phones looks silly. I have a very challenging client with a uniquely puzzling POV. I dont know if this person is devious, insane, naive...I dont know if it is language barrier or a reflection of what happens to a psyche grown up under adsurd, Kafkaesque, Soviet rule. . But this person has a seductive short cut down the rabbit hole that puts Alice to shame. While trying to discuss simple matters I find myself in the labyrinth passing empty, eastern European butcher shops with spies watching from every window. A yes/ no question leads to a spiraling logic ending in a tale of exotic illnesses, german shepards & how I failed this person. My patience wears thin. Then I get an emailed related to the dissolution of a partnerships...something that should be finished weeks ago. Another wrinkle. Another delay. Another strategic move? Is it a Machiavellian strategy or a misunderstanding? I do not know but my stress chemestry reacts! It is the straw the breaks the camels back. Picture the camal panting in hot sand crawling towards a lake...thirsty and broken-anxious-hump bobbing awkwardly like an ugly tumor. So I stumble to the water. Fall in. It is lake Chernobyl - toxic waste. ..stess chemestry. I try to swim. Try to keep my head above water but the poisons transform me. I become Godzilla...my lizard self mutates from the radiation. I emerge angry, Irrational, reckless. What they dont tell you about Godzilla. ..he is not a happy, healthy monster. He feels like shit. His scales are corroded and chipped. He cant see straight and part of his tail is cut off. Basically he lashes out because hes trapped in feeling bad...watch out! I spent a few days destoying Tokyo, knocking down buildings and stomping on jeeps. Finally my exhaustion brought me down. I slept. I dreamed. In my dream everyone was already dead and quietly appeciating what it felt like to take a single breath. Even Godzilla was remembering that feeling. I woke up and took one, (a deep breathe). It was quiet in my cave. Morning light sifting in. A camal eating grass outside the entrance. A bird sings. Onward.
Posted on: Sat, 09 Nov 2013 22:17:12 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015