The music of the night is about letting go. Its about the serenity prayer (thank you my friend Reenie). Its about going on with your life when you know youve done everything possible and gone above and beyond your duty in your attempts to come to terms with someone who does not know how to give and take. How difficult and necessary it is to realize that person is about to depart this earth and you could never do enough to make her happy. Because it was never about you but her own ability to feel happy within. To admit, that all your efforts since you were a child have been in vain and all your attempts to gain the love, respect and liking of your own flesh and blood may have to end without any resolution at all. To, literally feel the insanity that comes of repeating the same good actions and expecting a different result when you know deep down it wont happen -- and still you try. You try because theres only one person who gave birth to you. How truly painful it is to be abandoned by the one person who should never abandon you -- if not literally, emotionally. To feel you somehow failed, when you know the failure is not yours. This was written impromptu, off the top of my head, without corrections and without editing or revision. As t.s. elliot said in a poem, there will be time enough for revisions, later on. It is still difficult to shut the door, even after it has been slammed in your face. Its difficult to face theres no way to say good bye -- because youve already said your good-byes years ago. To pretend otherwise, would be another lie. Still, it will be your only chance to say anything -- but theres been too much damage and theres nothing left to say. I posted Somewhere Over the a Rainbow not just as a hope for myself but as a hope that this lost soul will find a different life somewhere over the rainbow that she could not find in this life and she could not see in her own daughters eyes. I hope you peace and I forgive you. You will never see or hear these words. I say them to God. Perhaps, theyll find your ears in another dimension, in time, in another place.
Posted on: Sun, 16 Nov 2014 06:18:56 +0000