The past few days Ive been thinking a lot about something very personal to me. Id shared a post about Marvel Comics coming out with a series of variant covers addressing the topic of bullying. The covers feature heroes from Guardians of the Galaxy, Captain America and the Hulk intervening (by stopping a punch, or shielding the victim) or simply comforting the victim by spending time with them. As you may know, Im a big fan of the superhero genre and comics, most especially Marvel Comics, so I was pleased to see that they were doing this. I didnt realize though, how much I would spend thinking about this. As you may not know, in my adolescence I was the target of a bully. The fact that this bully had been a friend of mine only cut that much deeper. I started reflecting on how profoundly that bully affected me psychologically. I should note that I wasnt physically abused, though the threat was there. But bullies dont just attack with kicks and punches, they can systematically tear down a person with taunts, jeers, etc. When I shared the post, someone made the comment that no one ever considers the bullys side. What if the victim in some way instigated the treatment they receive? This is a ridiculous argument. Someone who has done something to provoke retaliation is not necessarily a victim of bullying. A bully does not need provocation. They seek out those who are perceived as weak, different, and alone. They do it to try to bolster their own low self esteem at the expense of others and pick easy targets because they know theyll win. They pick on people they dont think anyone will stand up for because its easier to do that to one person than to a group. They derive enjoyment from belittling someone and getting others to join in. When I was being bullied, my self-esteem was ripped to shreds. I just wanted to be invisible because if you werent noticed, you werent bullied. I avoided any confrontations. I started missing a lot of school to avoid him. You dont feel like anyone is in your corner and no one to turn to. At some point I did go to the schools guidance counselor and broke down. I dont know what Id expected but Id hoped that hed be able to somehow put a stop to everything. Instead I was basically told I needed to grow thicker skin, that he was teased himself when he was in school but it all worked out ok. Small comfort to someone in the middle of a bully situation. Suicide was not unthought of. My only solace was in comics and in writing. I was already an avid reader before the bullying but I would find myself in daydream fantasies of being rescued by Spider-Man or somehow gaining super-powers and putting the bully in his place. The person who commented on my shared post said that its all about beating people up, but its not really. None of the Marvel covers perpetuate solving violence with violence. Its about showing the victim that they arent alone and supporting them. Will the threat still be there tomorrow? Probably. But the thing is, as soon as someone, anyone stands with the victim, the bully is less likely to act because now the target isnt as weak. Eventually the bully moved away, but the damage was done. Looking at a number of my personality traits today, I can trace several quirks back to this bully. I find that when a close friendship fades I question myself and dont understand why my attempts to reach out arent reciprocated. Today I find that if Im excluded from something, or rejected outright, its hard not to take it personally although I dont obsess about it as much as I used to. I find a tremendous need to feel a sense of belonging. I was never really popular in school but I pretty much knew everyone. I was always interested in theatre but never dared try out. I was never invited to parties or anything like that. I didnt really know how to fit in and had many acquaintances but only one good friend. Im very active in theatre now of course and love it. I love performing and creating. I enjoy accolades when I receive them as much as I enjoy entertaining people. I like to make people laugh with my comedy and want to move people with my (theatrical) drama. I feel like if I could make people laugh, they would be less likely to hate me and maybe they might even like me. I feel like Ive changed so much since those teenage years (of course) but sometimes that scared little kid is still there in the dark and he comes out at unexpected times. I just keep moving forward everyday with as positive an outlook as possible and trying to bring joy to others in some way, whether its a joke or sharing a favorite movie. Being negative only leads to a downward spiral of perpetuating self-hate. Why am I saying all this? You might say I couldnt be who I am now without that experience. I say, maybe I could have been even better. My point of all this, my challenge to you, is that when you see injustice, whether it be bullying, or discrimination, or anything else where a victim is being hurt, that you do something. You dont even have to intervene directly. Just give your support and show them that someone cares, even if its just friendly hug or casual chat. Be the superhero that that person needs. You dont even need to wear a mask. Thanks for reading...
Posted on: Sun, 07 Sep 2014 18:24:21 +0000
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