The past month or so has been a very spiritually intense period in my life, in which Ive witnessed the falling away of much illusion. Upon much introspection I began to realize that nothing I was focusing my attention upon truly mattered to me in the first place, alll while realizing the idea of me that was built up in the mind was also completely illusionary. Although this realization was liberating and deeply beautiful, there was great attachment to the illusion of I/Me/My; MY dreams, MY big goals, MY ambitions, MY future etc. The detachment from these things resulted in a great deal of pain and suffering, depression and hopelessness. In many ways, the identity falsely constructed and invested in was completely shattered and I no longer knew who I was. As I continued to question and search internally, I asked, what really matters? and upon asking this I realized that I had been forgetting a hugely important part of life - that being death. By remembering that I will one day die, I reflected on the fact that I cant bring wealth, health, status, reputation, memories or anything really when physical life ends. What also dies is the story of who Ive believed myself to be (aka the ego/false self, the I/Me/My story), so with that understanding, why not begin to disinvest in this falsehood while still living? A wise man once said that if you want to escape from your cage, you must die while you are still alive. After uncovering so much unreality, I naturally began to enquire into reality itself. What is real, if virtually everything that was the object of attention was unreal? What was arrived at was God. In this way, suffering can serve as a great purifier of the heart of man. It is in the dark of night that we appreciate the light of day and just like the caterpillar who undergoes a complete metamorphosis just when he thinks that the world is over, so do we have an opportunity to be transformed in our darkest hour. Dont lose hope... Or should I say lose it, then regain it with a deeper appreciation FOR it. More soon. All My Love, Brendan
Posted on: Thu, 28 Nov 2013 02:04:30 +0000
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