The questions we should ask ourselves during Elul are similar to questions that arise during the process of mourning: What are my priorities? What really matters to me? What changes should I make so that when my last days arrive, I will have expressed all my values and completed all the actions I hold most meaningful? Sometimes when grieving a loss, we regret that we waited to express our feelings until too late. Elul prods us not to wait. Rabbi Norman Koch of Temple Sholom in New Milford, Conn., said it like this: "Life and living should be our focus. Yet it is the lens of death that often provides the clearest picture of life. "Tomorrow may be too late to talk about important matters. Resolve disputes, learn to appreciate differences, and give compliments while life is full and vibrant. Don’t let distance and the all too hectic pace of life leave you taking those you love for granted; call them regularly, say hello, say I love you. "I wish to share my thoughts, fears, and desires with those who fill the most intimate spaces of my life; I want to know their thoughts and feelings. I want no doubts, no unsaid words, and no unexpressed feelings to linger in those I will leave when I die." Along these same lines, when asked what might help mourners cope with their own doubts, fears, sadness and grief, Rabbi Amy Eilberg said: "In my experience, mourners who know they have already said everything that needs to be said before the person died, have a much easier time, relatively speaking, than those who did not. There is no way to prevent the feelings of sadness, anger and grief but it would be wise to anticipate, ‘What will I be sorry for if I don’t say and do?’ and do just that." Fourteen years ago when I was caring for my mother and knew she had at most six months to live, I was very careful how I spoke to her. I did not want my last words to her to be unkind. As an exercise for Elul, spend one day – or just one afternoon – and pretend only you know that today is your last. Notice how carefully you choose your words and actions. This is the work of Elul and the Days of Awe. May you create your new goals and accomplish them during this year 5774. Jennie Cohen 8-14-13
Posted on: Thu, 22 Aug 2013 01:10:12 +0000
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