The short course in social skills. 1) Bathe. Every day. Really. This is not optional. No, I dont care about your reasons why you cant. If you want to stand near me, youre not allowed to smell bad. 2) Use a deodorant. Every day. Really. This is not optional. No, I dont care about your reasons why you cant. If you want to stand near me, youre not allowed to smell bad. 3) Say please and thank you everywhere. All the time. To everyone. The clerk at the store, the person who holds the door, the waiter, everyone. No exceptions. Mean it. Smile when you mean it. 4) What you have to say is nowhere near as important as what you have to listen to. If someone is talking to you, look at their eyes. That lets them know youre listening and interested. If you cant look someone in the eyes, look at the top of their nose, the space between their eyebrows. But shut up and actually listen. 5) Your complaints are totally irrelevant to the workings of the universe. Honest. Nobody wants to listen anyway. Your complaints are a buzz-kill. Your complaints destroy everyones good time. Your opinion on why this thing or that thing didnt live up to your expectations is your ego in very ugly drag. (Doing drag right is an art form, unless youre RuPaul, youre not it.) 6) If you have to say anything, find something interesting and positive to acknowledge. That dress looks good on you is a lot better than, Have you gained weight? Telling people how much you care about them, how special they are to you, how much they make you smile or laugh -- thats always a good thing. Say something that fosters connection and intimacy, dont say anything that shuts it down. 7) If youre invited to a party, the first words out of your mouth should be, What can I bring? And dont just bring a bottle of wine (unless thats whats requrested) -- bring something special that you make yourself, a dessert, a side dish, something made with enough care that it represents that you care. 8) You are not there to work the room. Make an appointment if you want to talk business. You are there to share yourself. So are other people. They like to share too. You can always give the gift of being a good listener. 9) If you meet a famous person, yes, you can go all fanboy. For eleven seconds, then stop. The famous person really doesnt need to hear your whole life story -- unless they ask. But most celebs do enjoy hearing, Your [book/movie] had a real impact on my life, it helped me [make a difficult choice]. If youre asking for an autograph, dont bring a stack of books, three is the limit. And if you do bring a huge stack of books, then be prepared to put a hefty contribution in the tip jar or charity jar. 10) Everyone is walking their own path, fighting their own battles, taking on their own challenges. Nobody appointed you the judge, the coach, the referee, or the arbiter of whos right and whos wrong. Likewise, you do not know whos dealing with what private concerns anyone else is dealing with -- emotional, physical, financial, career, or relationship -- sometimes your opinion just adds to the burden. If youre not sure, zip it. The kinds of people who need to learn these lessons are not the kind of people who will read these guidelines. The kinds of people who will read these guidelines are already thinking about appropriate ways to behave in public. (Oh, and stay off my lawn.)
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 04:55:53 +0000
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