The speech I gave on Saturday *drumroll please...* because I want EVERYONE to know what were trying to do and why. Three months ago, I didn’t know what the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention was. Two months ago, everything that you see here, was just an idea... and what we have accomplished today wasn’t even in the scope. I am so humbled to stand in front of you today and see all the people who are here supporting my family on a personal level and the cause as a whole. I didn’t realize that there were so many people who cared about us and how many others who have been affected in the same manner that we were. My eyes have been opened to just how many of you are struggling; fighting your own battles and how many of us are left with the lingering sadness of our own loved ones who weren’t able to survive their pain. Just 3 months ago, I didn’t talk about the fact that I lost my own father to suicide or the impact that it had on me. It was not shame however, that secured my silence… It’s just that talking about it is so hard. I miss my dad painfully, but it’s time I face what is hard. I would give anything to change his final act or to relive my life with him in an attempt at making his life worth living. I asked my friends, after my father passed away to not remember him for his final act but for the wonderful man that he was. I’ve since changed my mind because his final act will forever define who he turned out to be and who I am as a result. He is a man without a future and I am a daughter, without a father. A daughter abandoned by an unthinkable act of desperation because my father lacked the resources that he needed to fight a battle that most of us can’t even begin to comprehend. The night that I learned of my father’s death by suicide, the very foundation on which I was built, was ripped out from underneath of me. The devastation could have very well destroyed me. For a while, I didn’t know who I was or how I would overcome it. I look at my youngest daughter and I grieve because she never met her grandfather and I believe that meeting her could have been just what he needed. I look at my sons and I ache because they’re old enough to know but too young to understand, there’s so much that my father could have taught them, this was not one of the lessons I wanted them to learn or that he truly would have wanted to leave them with. I watch my 3 year old daughter with my husband and I’m beside myself at how much that interaction reminds me of my childhood with my own father and of what it will come to mean to her as she gets older. I felt that everything I believed about my father and everything that he taught me to be was a lie… I was lost, beyond lost… My world was turned upside down. Survivors are left with such an insane burden of devastation, guilt, regret, confusion and despair. Suicide is not an end to a person’s pain, in that regard, it’s simply like passing the torch. I will live with my father’s pain indefinitely and I fight his battles daily. I will never be okay with how he died and acceptance is far from my forefront but I do have something to offer. I can be proud of who he was when he was here. I can remember that one act of weakness does not change everything about who we are, no matter how it affects us. I can be the daughter that he raised and I can use his pain to fight for a better world. He always told me to be the change that I wanted to see in the world, his belief in my ability to affect people was tremendous, my determination, my drive, was his pride. What he didn’t realize is that I got it from him… He thought I was amazing, well, I am only a slight reflection of the man that he was. He was amazing, he was loved, and the potential that died with him is much more than anything that I could ever offer the world. But I’ll try, I’ll try to give his death meaning… I’ll try to keep his memory alive… I will be his legacy and I will honor him, I will use this tragedy to try to save others. There’s nothing that I can do for my dad any longer, but maybe there’s something I can do for you. I stand here today to tell you, if you are in pain, if you’re struggling, there are people who care. If you think your life isn’t worth living, you’re wrong. If you’ve lost your way, it can be found. If you’re afraid, if you’re alone, if you’re sad beyond desperation, speak up! Reach Out! 90% of people who die by suicide have a treatable mental illness at the time of their death. And it is my belief that with the right resources, 100% of suicides are preventable. Don’t be ashamed of the way your brain works, depression isn’t a defect. And to those of you, who are lucky enough to not suffer from depression, open your minds, open your hearts and recognize that this type of sadness is not a mindset, it is not a choice. Trust me; no one wants to be THAT sad, THAT desperate, THAT lost. Embrace the fact that we are all different and just because you have control over your emotions doesn’t mean that we all should, or that we are even capable… Don’t judge others for being unlike you… Society needs to change! Depression isn’t shameful; the fact that your loved one died by suicide doesn’t need to be kept a secret; it is not a reflection of you nor of them. My father didn’t wake up on June 4, 2012 and say, “well that’s it, I’ve done it all, I want to die.” He woke up feeling hopeless, like it would NEVER get better, like he had no choice, like there was no other way out! BE SOMEONE’S WAY OUT!!! Talk about your pain and ask others about theirs. Try to recognize the signs of suicide and offer help to someone in need. This won’t happen overnight, we’re still going to lose people to suicide, still going to struggle with the whys and what ifs and there is no blame involved. We’re all learning as we go. We cannot change what has happened but we can change what might happen. But that change starts from within and it isn’t reasonable to expect a different world unless we work to create one. Don’t think that this couldn’t happen to you, because nobody expects something like this. All of us are responsible for our own actions and we’re all capable of making a difference in someone else’s life. I want to thank you for taking that first step in the right direction by being here today but we have a long road ahead of us. Together, we can erase suicide’s stigma and together we can defeat it. Lives are already changing because of this event and the need for what we’re doing. I ask you to keep up the momentum and don’t ever forget . Learn more, do more and put an end to the silence, or better yet, the reasons for the silence. Do it not only for those whom we’ve lost but for those that we can save. Every life is precious; let’s show the world why… Thank you all so much for being here today and for helping to make this event so successful.
Posted on: Mon, 21 Oct 2013 02:20:19 +0000
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