The story of us. I knew you long before we became friends. And when you think about it, most love stories start that way. Every moment leading up to the one in which you meet your future husband or wife somehow shapes you and prepares you for that person you were fated for. Any previous heartbreaks or dark days or lonely nights can be crucially important in the grand scheme of things—sometimes we need to know what something feels like when it’s wrong before we can ever really know it when another thing is RIGHT. So that’s why I need to start the story with a little bit of background. The whole “girl meets boy, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get married” model is a little too simplistic for my needs. high school, thats the first time I saw you, you were the guy who always have his best friends behind you, always following you wherever you go. Youre the guy that even most senior girls had a crush on and youre the guy who loves basketball so much you even skipped a class for it. We were classmates but we act like neither of us exist. I remember clearly, we were already seniors when I started having a crush on you. I dont know how or when it happened I just woke up having those feelings for you. :D haha. But unfortunately you had a girlfriend and your best friend told me that you really loved that girl. So, I just ignored my feelings and went on with my life and then I met this guy named Matthew. We dated and apparently he became my boyfriend. We dated 2 and a half years, our relationship was never a terrible one. He was a good guy, I was a good girl, and we really did love each other. But for every moment of those 2 and a half years, I had a nagging, itching, aching feeling that he would never be the right one for me. Despite his great heart, he lacked ambition and drive and handled his finances very poorly and, at the heart of it all, was very insecure despite being a bright and attractive guy. I understood him, though. I understood that his family had never prepared him for LIFE, and the poor decisions he had made as a younger man had him caught in a sticky web and a hole he just couldn’t seem to dig himself out of. As the years went by, he could give me less and less of what I needed. Things became strained between us. I was a terrible nag, and I see that now. But the problem was that there were just too many things about him that I wanted to change. And as I began to realize that I could never change him and shouldn’t have to, I struggled SO much with what the right thing to do was. It ate away at me day and night, because I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without him. And being alone TERRIFIED me. Somewhere during all this, I read the book The Secret which is all about the law of attraction. I really, really believed in what it said. It inspired me. I realized that I had not arranged my life in a way that allowed for all the things I so desired. I hate to skim over this because it’s so important, but let’s just say that I KNEW I had to decide what I wanted my future to look like and start taking active steps towards attracting that future. And staying in my current relationship at the time was a major roadblock. I knew in my heart that if I stayed where I was, life would always be a struggle. So one day the breakup finally happened. We talked and cried for hours and finally decided that we could never truly work. I can honestly say that the 48 hours after that break up were the toughest of all my life. I ugly-cried those kind of tears that come from somewhere inside you didn’t even know existed—a place of fear and sudden awareness that you are completely alone. And that’s the place I was in when I met YOU. We met a mere 48 hours after the ex and I called it quits, which could either be considered really terrible timing or really great timing. I choose to believe the timing was perfect. You had recently broken up with your girlfriend for 3 years I think or two? So we were going through the same problem. Thats the first time I saw you again after our high school graduation and feelings are rushing back through me. :D we talked, texted and chatted often after we met but destiny tested us again, you went to Spain because of some medical conditions you stayed there for almost a year, but even if you are there and I am here our communication never stopped. Thats the time our feelings for each other became stronger we knew already that what we have is something more than friends do but we did not put labels on it yet so that we wont complicate things. And then you came home and I was really flattered that the first person you visited was me :) you gave me your number and I wasnt really sure what to do with it, (haha sorry baby) yes, i knew I love you but I was also thinking if you are really the one for me. It took me four days to text you and said I was really sorry I didnt texted you immediately and I remember your reply by heart :) haha Ok, little miss four days later! Good thing I remain optimistic, ‘cause it was beginning to look like I wasn’t going to hear from you. You later told me that those were the most torturous four days of your life. You kept his phone within an arm’s reach and pondered whether or not I was playing hard to get or something. :D Patience is not this man’s greatest virtue; I can definitely attest to that now! :D I called you the night after that and after an hour conversation, I knew I had just met the man who would one day be my husband. During the week after our first phone call, we talked for hours every night. I learned that he was a huge fan of the book The Secret, just like I was, and he told me that he, too, tried to live his life by the principles of the law of attraction. Coincidence? I think not. ;) Our first date was scheduled for less than two weeks after our initial meeting. I remember getting a text from you before our first date and it said couldn’t wait to have you in my arms.” I was a little alarmed by this, given that we hadn’t even had our first date yet, but I sort of loved it all at once. It was nice to feel wanted without that veil of pretense and cautious, “acceptable” behavior. You are one of the few people in this world who throws themselves shamelessly and without hesitation at whatever they desire.:) So we had our first date. I wore a little black dress with heels and a bright green sweater, and he wore jeans and a black button up shirt. We met at Starbucks, we hugged like old friends, he led me to his car, and he opened my door for me like a true gentleman. He started the car and a CD began to play – all my favorite songs, one after another. I demanded that he admit he’d stalked my Facebook and made a CD from all my listed favorite artists, but he denies it to this day. Either he’s lying, or we just have identical taste in music. Either way, it was perfect. And that evening began a week of “first dates.” We had dinner together several times, went to the movies, and spend a whole day just doing nothing but with him around it really excites me :) I think it was on the third date that week that I really fell in love. It was a really cold day for me, idk maybe I was sick that day we were walking in the mall we stopped for something cant remember exactly what, when he wrapped his arms around me from behind and just held me there as we stood. I can’t explain it, but it just felt… RIGHT. And when you asked me to be my girlfriend, without no doubt I said YES :) Baby, I have learned to listen to my heart. I have learned that if you never make room for better things and better ways to be, if you never clear out the things in your life that stand in the way of your happiness, then you are not aligning your universe to allow for amazing things. In this life, you don’t find yourself. You create yourself. And the same goes for love: you don’t find love, you create a road for love to travel and wait for it to come.
Posted on: Mon, 10 Mar 2014 07:12:44 +0000
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