The subject of grief came up during a conversation with my psychologist. What I shared with him, I felt, could be of benefit to others. So Im sharing parts of that conversation. These are my opinions alone, not the doctors. This is not medical advice, this is simply what works for me. I hope you like it. I hope it brings you some peace. Most of all I hope it reminds you that you will make it through possibly with a little happier heart. Background first, to know where Im coming from. In the last few years, it seems, the frequency of loss has escalated. Could be that we are all getting older, but it also seems, that for some, it was way too soon. I lost two sisters to cancer in one week. I was too sick to travel to either funeral. Beyond the grief of those losses, I thought I would hold a resentment at not being able to attend. It was something I really had to work on. Thats where the psych comes in, to see how I was coping. Someone said, when my Mother died, She is not in pain anymore. I got the feeling they meant her death was a reward. Death is not a reward nor is it a punishment. Death is just a necessary fact of life. The body can no longer deal. The reward is eternal life. There are a lot of emotions involved in a passing, and often different from person to person and circumstance to circumstance. For me I found I could not turn them off like a light switch. I didnt want to. For me, I think of it as a dimmer switch. After time, I can turn it down a little more. Sometimes I need to turn it back up bright again and remember. Holidays or events often bring their memories to the forefront again, and I turn the dimmer switch back up and embrace the time we will spend together again. There is no time limit on grief. There are no rules for the dimmer switch. My son has been gone for over 50 years and sometimes he is sitting right here with Jason and I, brothers playing with their father. Knowing that I have to deal with other things, I force myself to activate the dimmer for a while. When I have a calm personal time, I turn it back up. I remember and I cry. I believe he is walking streets of gold with eternal flowers. I believe he is helping prepare that mansion Ive been promised. I know hes waiting to play with Dad again. My Mother, two Brothers, three Sisters, and many others are at that mansion. I know I will see them when God calls me to my new home. Are they sad that I cant think about them all of the time? No, I dont think so at all. They know I have some living to do or God would have called me. They know I have others to love, that need me, and they are not jealous. How could they have loved me that much, that deeply, or that completely, and not wanted me to be the happiest I could be. The heaviest burden they carry is my pain and tears. They couldnt want that. There have been many tears, and days I didnt think I could get out of bed. There were days I couldnt breath, the pain of their loss was so great. Then I remembered that they knew of my responsibilities and dreams and they would want me to handle them. Grief, like depression, can cause many other health problems if not handled. If you feel you need professional help, please seek it. Its a very difficult situation to go through. Associate with those hearts that can lift you up. Realize that what other people say are just their opinions and many will be wrong. There are many that love you, they will lift you up. I take time often to turn the dimmer switch up and talk to my loved ones in heaven. I need those times. I need to keep their memories alive. And I need to take care of other things too. I pray you find peace. I pray it becomes easier to dim the light a little at a time. You are not alone in your grief.
Posted on: Wed, 24 Sep 2014 17:09:47 +0000