The things you find on the internet... Perhaps Pardew was trying to impress potential club buyer Vince McMahon with his antics in the Hull game. Heres what Im hoping will happen in the next game. First, Pardew comes out on to the field as usual but hes been banned from pitchside and a referee has to usher him into the stands under protest, to a chorus of boos. Then, seconds before the half time whistle, cameras pick up Pards talking on his phone and he suddenly stands up with a look of utter shock on his face. Sky Sports then cut to Jamie RedKnapp in the studio but before he can start talking shite, Ed Chamberlain interupts him Hang on a minute JR! We have some news that something is happening in the dressing room! Whats happening Chris?! Camera cuts to Chris Kamara, whos running down the tunnel towards the dressing room, he rounds the corner and its Mike Ashley wearing a black singlet with a picture of a pie and a pint of lager on the front. Hes going mental. No-one can calm him down, hes trashing the place. Security try to contain him but hes had 12 tinnies of Kestral Super so their effort is for nought, he forces his way down the tunnel and onto the pitch. He grabs the mic off Kamara and stumbles to the centre of the pitch screaming, You think you can beat me huh!? ME!? I made this company what it is! Im whats best for business! to thunderous boos from the St James faithful. Then boom, all the floodlights turn off and the stadium is plunged into darkness. Ten seconds later the lights come back on and in the center of the pitch is a ring with a confused looking Mike Ashley, The Undertaker and masked Kane! OH BAW GAWD! Its the Dead Man AND Kane! screams Kamara, who managed to pull another mic out of his arse. Before Ashley knows where he is Undertaker grabs him by the throat, setting him up for a chokeslam, the crowd goes wild! But then Kane puts his hand on Takers shoulder and shakes his head. The crowd dont like this! The Undertaker lets go of Ashley and boy, Ashley looks relieved. The Undertaker doesnt look happy but he leaves the ring shaking his head and walks down the tunnel, never to be seen again. Ashleys not sure what just happened but hes glad Kane rescued him. Kane offers a hand shake and the fans are going ape shit. They shake hands, pies and pasties shower the pitch. Ashley is smiling and he pulls his hand away from Kanes but whats this?! Kane isnt letting go! Kane grabs him, turns him upside down and delivers a jumping Tombstone piledriver that is so hard, Mike Ashleys head breaks the ring and hes stuck, arse over tit, in the ring. The crowd are at fever pitch! Then Kane starts to take off his mask! The crowd grow quiet as he slowly lifts the mask off to reveal... Alan Pardew! Pards plays to the crowd like Hulk Hogan when he waves his hand around and then puts it to his ear. Then No Chance starts playing and Vince McMahon powerwalks into the ring and awards Pardew the World Heavyweight Premiership Title. Yeah. Thats what I want.
Posted on: Tue, 04 Mar 2014 10:46:42 +0000
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