The way out of pain is to go through the pain. ~Rumi Indeed. This Rumi message resonates. Feelings feelings and going through them with the support of healthy beloved others including being vulnerably honest about your angst, hurt, sadness, grief and the residual frothing of anger that rises within lifes many disappointments, losses, and natural upheavals. The expression: Hurt people, hurt other people sometimes... rings true. Sharing the process we go through in our being human helps us learn and its actually crucial to spiritual, personal and character logical growth it is more than okay to reveal tender, hurt, or even the feelings of temporary madness genuinely but, it ought to be done so without disclosing any other persons identity, private information, their interpersonal sharing with you and any confidential information without their giving you explicit permission to do so. Its perfectly healthy to vent your own feelings and emotions but, in must be done so in a way that betrays the trust build in your relation regardless of the kind of relationship it is. The most important vehicle that keeps our interpersonal friendships flourishing with loved ones is the honoring of sacred boundaries in order to maintain the containment of the vital ingredient called trust. There are many healthy and constructive ways to process, and go through rather than avoid the myriad of mixed feelings that are bound to circulate when we are interactively invested in spending time with the people we care about. The bottom line is that it is possible to get through conflicts, anger, and the underlying hurt by communicating directly. If you decide you are not invested and dont care to continue an interpersonal relationship in the same way, but decidedly want to continue a caring connection _ it is very good for the people to process their feelings about this shift through direct conversing together. The truth is that its actually a sign of great health when we are able to walk through transitions like that for example with a sense of loyalty regardless of the change in context, roles, or dynamics between you, and the other person who you have decidedly chosen to continue your valuing of their presence in your life and remain actively caring about one another reciprocally. Being able to go through a major alteration, or change together involves being willing to take the time to constructively process feelings toward resolution, acceptance, and the beginning of renewing that connection in a new way. Taking turns while processing the naturally disruptive emotions in an alternating way together while maintaining a sense of willingness to be reassuring each other about your mutual loyalty and intention toward preserving that connection you share with integrity, truthfulness, and being available verses avoiding and open dialog. It is crucial to allow for there to be a reasonable amount of time allowed _ for the process and for both people to absorb the impact and shift so they can come to terms and accept the changes that are often unavoidable in our lives. There is no need to avoid or neglect the conversing of uncomfortable feelings between you as you progress in adjusting to the changes you making together. Avoidance can lead to catastrophe as it is actually abandoning (aka leaving the connection) and betrays trust in a similar way as gossiping does. Speaking directly and honestly to the person you care for and hope to honor during any transition. It cant be an overnight success. Its a process which involves a series of conversations that lead to the success you will benefit from ultimately. Yes, its an investment. The great news is that this investment can translate into transforming how you manage and preserve valued connections in your life rather than sabotaging by exiting, becoming passive aggressive and burning wonderfully rich bridges to your ongoing personal growth. Maintaining good friendships after change with an altering and renegotiation of the boundaries provided you do no harm can be a challenging task but, it is a very noble, and time worthy endeavor because it can powerfully impact all of your interpersonal relationships in a very good and profound way going forward. ~Cat 4/2/2014
Posted on: Wed, 02 Apr 2014 17:51:18 +0000