The way you see the world is not determined by an objective assessment of reality. Instead, it is influenced by the stories you tell yourself in an attempt to understand the things that happen to you. Lets say youve been single for a while and have developed a case of the feels for a person, but youre not sure they return that feeling. There are a few stories you could tell yourself about this situation. Some are clearly better than others: 1. No one ever seems to develop feelings for me, so there must be something wrong with me. I might as well prepare for the worst. 2. They seem really hesitant to commit, but Im sick of waiting around. if I keep pushing the issue, I might be able to pound them into submission. 3. I have no way of knowing if things will work out or not, but I DO really like this person... so I might as well give it my best effort. Forcing the issue probably wont be helpful, but I can do everything I can to show them how enjoyable a relationship with me could be. I dont suggest option #1, because you better believe this self-defeating belief will manifest in a variety of ways. You might find yourself speaking in a whisper, presenting yourself with a timid posture, or beating yourself up in conversation. All of these behaviors will make a potential mate think you lack confidence (not a turn-on), so avoid telling yourself this story if at all possible. Option #2 is no good. Nobody likes to be pressured into doing something. Being demanding will have the opposite of the desired effect. You wont draw them closer (you will push them away). The winner is clearly option #3. Will it always work? Of course not. If this love thing was supposed to be easy, people wouldnt be pouring their hearts out in poems and songs that touch on the subject. Regardless of how things play out, remember these two points: 1. Your thoughts are nothing but stories you tell yourself about the world. You have the power to change that script however you see fit. Always choose the most empowering option. 2. The most effective way to get a person to commit is to show them why you are worth committing to. Anything else is a waste of time.
Posted on: Fri, 31 Oct 2014 14:31:34 +0000
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