There are many times in my life I regret, making decisions rationally instead of following my heart. When I was about ready to graduate from high school I was all set to enlist in the air force. Then I got engaged and let that change my mind. instead for following a career together we spent a lonely year apart while he trained in Mississippi. Ive always loved to sing and dance, but lacking a partner who shared my passion this too got put off for many years until I joined the senior group. By now I have a hard time walking, much less dancing. Ive had a good life, got to do some traveling, met some famous people, raised four self sufficient citizens, all of whom now have the perfect soul mate and extended familys. Some of my regrets are petty, but a few moments have been lost forever because I took care of responsibility before responding to the crisis. When my mother-in-law, whom I loved dearly, was dying my supervisor refused to let me off work until I finished. Which I did instead of telling her to ........I rushed to get it done but by the time I made it home, my husband had already left to be by moms side, a six hour drive to Texas. I waited all day long for the phone call he never made, before calling the hospital myself late in the afternoon only to find out it was too late. Several years later I was called late in the evening that my mother was in kidney failure. I notified my family and made plans to leave early in the morning. I was not even to Tulsa when my cell phone rang and the person on the other end said she was gone. You would think these two incidents would have taught me something, but no, I let it happen a third time. Several years ago my Brother was in a coma and not on any life support--no food or water. I spent a week with him and said my goodbys, but he was still alive when I left. I learned that sometimes you do have time. But then again I learned that sometimes you dont. Im not really sure what my rational side told me during the last family crisis. But once again I didnt follow my heart, causing misunderstanding, anger and hurt that may never heal. In my flimsy defense I would like to say there were many times I cried out for immediate comfort only to have someone schedule a visit in a few days. I am following a path to healing that some dont agree with. I wish you could be with me and share better times with me but I understand if you have to find your own way first. Love to all my family. Be happy that mom has given you all the chance to fly, and now she is finally trying on those wings for herself.
Posted on: Fri, 30 May 2014 15:21:43 +0000
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