There are some things in this life that you cannot prepare yourself for. I knew something was amiss when the smell of poop did a Tiger Uppercut on my sense of smell. My daughter had gone to bed a bit earlier, but an intense smell of human feces was emanating from her room. I also felt as though something evil was in that room, hiding somewhere in the darkness. I walked into my baby girls room and beheld a sight that will haunt me forever. There was my angel, with that beautiful smile, ready to greet me. However, this was not to be a joyous moment of my life. Upon my daughters hands were brown gloves. Unfortunately, my daughter does not possess a pair of brown gloves! Yes, my friends, it was so. My baby girls hands were covered in poop. And not just a small amount of poop, but a nice inch or so of the Devils Custard. Also, to make it even more horrifying, there was also a large area of feces covering two different walls by her bed. My daughter had been busy while her mother and I enjoyed an episode of Modern Family. The sheer insanity of the scene was only outdone by the smell. My daughter giggled as I stared in horror, and she also waved her hand which had a nice piece of Ass Grease hanging from her left thumb. I informed my wife after I regained consciousness. She thought I was kidding. Sad that this was not the case. She too beheld the macabre scene, and was speechless. The walls were what gave her the most fright. It was as if Great Cthulhu had arisen from his slumber in the ancient lost city of Rlyeh, and my daughter, having been a follower of the insane beast, had painted a mural of madness...and shit. The horror has been scrubbed clean from the walls and from the flesh of my child. However, it will live forever in my mind. I am still pondering whether or not I should report this to the Department of Homeland Security as an act of terror. A demon walks the halls of this house. A shit demon...
Posted on: Fri, 24 Oct 2014 03:57:29 +0000
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