There are too many fake people in my life. It brings me down more and more each day seeing right through some of these people and their bs, and wondering how someone could have so much negativity and poison in their words/actions. Only caring for themselves, caring less if they hurt others in the process. And it stings, especially when they pull this kind of stuff on me, ESPECIALLY when all I ever do is try to be kind and caring towards everyone at all costs. Im really not trying to be such a downer, but goddammit, I cant stand feeling like this anymore. I feel so belittled upon, 99% of the time I feel like maybe its my fault and Im the problem. I feel like my presence is nothing more than a bother. I feel like a complete idiot after making such little mistakes, the fact that some people decide to become so on edge with me and will even tell me how stupid I am, etc. doesnt help either. I try so hard to be confident. I try so hard to have a good self esteem, to have a good attitude and outlook, but its gotten to a point where Im beginning not to like myself anymore. And it terrifies the Hell out of me. I feel like isolating myself from people and focusing on my goals will be so much better for me in the long run, and will prevent me from getting hurt even worse. Yet, Im so scared of being alone. I know how it feels, and its not fun. I dont want to have to put myself through that again. I think though honestly, I need to start surrounding myself with a smaller more positive environment of people than a bigger group of negative people. My trust issues have never been worse, and I need to surround myself with others that I can fully put my trust into rather than those I feel hesitant about. I dont deserve to feel like a burden.. I dont deserve to feel like garbage, and I dont deserve to be treated this way. Im making a change.
Posted on: Fri, 26 Sep 2014 05:17:18 +0000
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