There has been a tragedy in my family and when I say my family I mean ours because if you mean anything to me than we are family and I am the last catalyst between my paternal grandmother and grandfather and my maternal grandmother and grandfather since everyone that was responsible for my creation has gone on to glory and I have no biological siblings so I am the last if the Mohegans (so uncle James you better ask me anything you need to know while Im still here and able to remember) I Dont want you to have any regrets like I do because I have a lot first and foremost I regret how I treated mother Rhudine (the most sweet kind woman on this side of glory I am forever thankful for the mother that I was blessed with because she was the best mother she knew how to be and she knew that being a mother didnt come with a hand book and she may not have done everything right but she would did everything according to what thus said the lord and thats why to this day i have a personal relationship with she didnt send me to church she accompanied me to church and everyone that she came in contact with after she became saved she shared the goodness of Gods grace and mercy(she refused to let a rock cry out for her) and that if he wash an old dirty wretch like her than he could save anybody and those are the values and beliefs I hold on to today in Gods word it says if your conscious doesnt condemn you neither will I it also says parents dont make your children quick to wrath it also says God will cast your sins in the sea of forgetfulness never to be remembered again in another scripture it says God forgives us 7x7 times a day God forgave his murders stating father forgive them for they know not what they do If God can forgive the murders of his only begotten son surely you all can forgive me for my transgressions and short comings the things I have done in my I was just going through adolescents I was just finding my way through life forging my own path living my that God assigned me and Im sure it may not have fallen in line with Gods master plan because he gives us all free will and he is such a gentleman that he does not force himself upon us (Rick Ross and Ceelo should take some chivalry lessons from God)(lol alil color commentary and lite humor)I said all that to say this if my mother Rhudine Patricia (self imposed middle name) Williams could forgive me and Jesus Christ God almighty Jehovah Muhammad or whomever or how ever you refer to him can forgive me surely you can forgive me for my past transgression for my rudeness arrogance outspokenness inconsiderateness my selfishness for my journey of self exploration that lead me down a path to love and accept me for me no matter who likes it because none you have a heaven or a hell to put me in or yourselves for that matter and thank God for that because his grace and mercy is sufficient and if it was left up to us we would all be banished to hell and never forgiven because we judge each other so harshly and with out just cause we even do it to ourselves I am a victim of my own critiques I judge myself so harshly until its not funny Im my own worst critic anything that may have angered you about me or with me trust and believe I have quarreled with it long and hard I battled with feelings of being an underachiever of being a disappointment of not living up to the standards set before me of my older cousins of just not being good enough because I felt inadequate due to my urban upbringing verse the way my cousins were brought up but I know realize God had a plan special for me it was uniquely designed for me to walk that path take that journey and experience all that heart ache and death I have experienced every type of pain except the loss of a child and hopefully I never will but in my short 29 soon to be 30 I have experienced a lot of alienation hurt and frustration but it was all in Gods perfect plan I was built ford tough for this life I just ask that you all forgive me as I continue to make mistake along the way but just be there for me when I stumbled to lift me up in prayer be a listening ear for me to vent to (is probably what I want most) I feel alone most days and I was told by a wise man that got this quote from an even wiser man and the quote goes like this (forgive me Im paraphrasingno man is an island entire to himself apart from the main whole which simply means we all need someone for something and no one should ever feel how I felt a few weeks ago to reach out to family and get no response and met with negative vibes and spirits of negative for past transgressions if Jesus can forgive the thief on the cross surely this thief (me) can be forgiving you I love you all I cherish you I admonish you all to tell those who you love that you in fact love and care for them because no man knows the day nor the hour and the time is drawing near we are living in our last days I am losing love ones by droves we all have a little cousin a nephew friend and love one that was set on fire by another little boy and I say we all because we are all one if I know and love you as family than my family is your family thats how I was raised it really took a village to raise a child when I was coming up we were accountable for each other our parents shared resources and bartered services we all were actually a close knit family and we need to get back to that we need to start communicating on a regular we need to tart back having annual family reunions and we need to stop holding grudges anything I was mad at anyone about I am no longer mad I dont had the time nor the energy to devote to harboring old bad feelings toward family members and live ones in just ask that if it is not to much can you continue to lift me up in positive prayer and can you lift Javier our little cousin who is in a burn unit at tgh fighting for his life with no family there because they wont allow us to visit him because he is a ward if the state I ask that you pray for his mother LaTasha and her 4 other kids I ask you to pray for my entire for yourselves and your love ones and dont just ask God for stuff thank him for what you have and what is yet to come because God is not done during miracles in all of our lives I trust and believe that God will restore my relationship with my family members because prayers if the righteous availeth much and I have a whole host if prayer angels around me and you do as well and Im sure Im not alone when I say I miss and love my mother love transcends time and space and I love her the same as I did when I was first placed in her arms she was the most passionate yet reserved the most meek and humble yet boisterous generous smart living forgiving person I have known and she was like this because of her love and respect for Christ and I just hope I can have the faith the size of a mustard seed and 1/8th the Christ she had in her and I do I know one day we shall meet again her and all the loves of my life that have gone on before way to many to name just know they are remembered treasured and revered thank you if you actually read this if not God bless you anyway I just wanted to purge my spirit give it to God and be done with it I have done my part I have apologized no its on you to obey God the earnest and burden is no longer on me I live you all and wish you the best be blessed and prosper and become better than you were yesterday and strive for a greater tomorrow and remember no one is perfect we all sin and fall short of the glory of God just be cause I sin differently than you does not make you better than me because God does not put a denomination on sin nor a value only man gauges sin against sin in Gods eyes theres no big or little sin they are all displeasing in his sight remember that next time you pass judgment or shine upon someone in a negative light just imagine if you had to switch places and be under that same interrogation light how would you fair? Love live life and be happy
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 16:40:14 +0000
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