There is a saying, Even if you have a pain, you do not have to be a pain. This is excellent advice. But let us also consider the converse. If someone in your life is being a pain, it almost certainly means that they are in pain. To listen for their pain instead of judging and resenting them can lead to a breakthrough in the relationship. The other day my friend Jens shared with me how while consulting with a large company, it emerged during coaching that one senior manager who was being particularly hard on others in the organization was that way because he had promised his kids he would attend their soccer practice at least twice a week - and had not been able to keep his promise to them because of his commitments at work. This made him feel torn inside and so bitter that he took it out on the others he worked with. Jens shouted at him: Just go! The organization will still be here. Go and attend the soccer practice of your kids. You are not as indispensable as you imagine. This act of tough love led to a shift for the manager. He was able to release his inner struggle and I imagine it also made him a kinder, more considerate person to work with. So let us remember, when someone is being a pain, it usually means that they are carrying a pain. Behind their arrogance and intimidation, may be a desperate cry for listening, love and understanding. Let us seek first to understand, before we seek to be understood.
Posted on: Mon, 11 Aug 2014 19:37:10 +0000
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