There is an edge to everything now, and a simultaneous blurring. I craved good sleep and good food every second of my 25 days in jail, but I have not slept or eaten since I was released in the wee hours of 8.29. I am hearing my favorite songs for the first time, cherishing the light of day as if Id been away 20 years already. I feel like Im on acid, and I am not sure if its fear or doubt...Im not anxious. Its a very curious numbness. There is a strong remorse, for my crudity and stupid pride which has hurt nearly everyone Ive ever touched. But I am not guilty of rape. If that was among my sins, Id have had the good sense to keep it out of my writing. Rape is a constant theme in these books of mine, along with every other form of abuse, because thats the world we live in, and I seek my own redemption through truth telling. Thats one side of it. On the other side is the issue of creative license. And thats where the blur kicks in. To the best of my knowledge, Jim Thompson never robbed a bank, like Nelson Algren never had a heroin habit.
Posted on: Sat, 30 Aug 2014 14:58:58 +0000
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