There is nothing worse than the feeling of not being able to help. Seeing them struggle, completely out of it and all you can really do is medicate them. I am an optimist in general, but this phase is so depressing. So little strength, unable to communicate, but too strong to pass. The nurse said his lungs are clear, his heart is still strong even though its beating at a rapid pace. Blood pressure is declining, but we are still several days away from the end. I hate to see him like this, but know its all part of it. I wouldnt wish this on my enemy, not that I believe I have any enemies. I started brain storming his eulogy. What do I want to say about my father? How do I keep it upbeat, as he would not want a bunch of people crying over him. What message can I pass on that he would want to pass on? All the memories, all the thoughtful times, what do u say? I have so many thoughts circling, I know I can come up with something, but I dont know if I can sum up the man that means so much to me and convey that to everyone else. Can I hold it together?? I leave with one thought, before my father told me he was being cremated, I had always intended on carrying his casket. I know this is rather unusual for a child of the deceased to do, but it was the one way that I always wanted to honor him. Instead, I will take on a much bigger challenge and try tell everyone in a short period of time what he meant to me, but do it in a bright cheery way..... I tried to come up with an emotion to tag this post with, but nothing fits. As James Lipton would ask on his show, what would you want St Peter to say to you at the gates of heaven, my answer for my dad is simply, well done Brad, well done.
Posted on: Tue, 01 Jul 2014 00:57:34 +0000
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