There was a time not so long ago when I lived my life as one, big apology. Im sorry Im so much to deal with. Im sorry Im so hard to love. Im sorry that my thoughts make you angry. Ill keep them to myself. My choices are making you upset. Ill make different ones. Im sorry that I made you sad. Im sorry that Im not skinnier, I know youd love me more if I was smaller. Im sorry that Im not pretty enough to keep your attention. Im sorry my body is gross, if it was better youd stop cheating. Im sorry I didnt do what you said, I made you angry and thats why you hit me. Im sorry Im such a disappointment. Im not exaggerating, I have thought each one of those apologies at least one hundred times each. I have even said each of them out loud. But Ive changed. Ive grown A LOT. My mind is stronger. My worth is intact. I have learned to treasure myself, and the things I feel and the things I want are just as valuable to me as those of others. I picture the Erin in my head as a separate person, and it is my job to protect her. She doesnt get to apologize anymore. She is not at fault for the joy or upset of others. It is not her responsibility to make sure everyone else is taken care of and happy, JUST HER. JUST ME. Im not suggesting or supporting a band of assholes take over the world. Do not put yourself exclusively before all others. Keep in mind the needs of those around you, particularly those you love. Do what you can for those in need, but not at detrimental expense of yourself. Do for you in equal measure what you would do for other people. Because really, no one in the whole world can take care of you the way you can, and you really, really are worth it. Just as you are.
Posted on: Thu, 24 Jul 2014 15:29:10 +0000
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