There will be a time in my life, when I wont have to mention your name any longer. A time where you will not effect me. What you did to me then, and now, no longer matters to me. I already cut you out of my life... but the pain that youve caused, and the moments when I am forced of a reminder of you, only makes the healing process worse, and yet.. somehow better, like a double edged sword, a sweet reminder of what I no longer have to concern myself with. I cannot wait until the day where you will no longer be an issue in any shape form or way. I meant it this time, when I said, I hate you. I absolutely, without a doubt, meant it. For whatever reasoning, for whatever lesson I had to learn, you were given chance after chance, even when I absolutely did not think you were worthy of it. But, for the love of my son, the person who is a part of me, I obeyed. And I have to say, after it all... I am finally finding me. I am finally able to accept what is, what was, and I am coping with it all. And, once again, I absolutely cannot wait for the day that I will never have to speak of your name again. For, you do not deserve it. Not now, not then, not ever. My hate slowly dissipates, and the anger has cooled from the once overwhelming sloppy bubbling. And the self respect is slowly reappearing. After years of hurt, after fighting for my son, after losing the one person who I actually truly and sincerely cared about...and yes, you know who Im talking about. After all the pain you caused, I am finally standing up for what is right. What is best for all concerned. And you know it. I only wish I could forget about all that was done as easily as I am forgiving of it. Because a life without you, would be a life worth living. But, then... it circles back around to my heart, my soul, the one I stood for. The one I fought for. The one I still continue to fight for, and the innocent child you use as a tool to still constantly try to use against me, while blindly mentally abusing him. One day he will hear the lies, and the truth will come to light, because I know TWO things for sure. 1. I will never give up on him and teaching him right from wrong and 2. I have absolutely NOTHING left where you are concerned.
Posted on: Thu, 16 Oct 2014 04:26:52 +0000
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