There’s no excuse as to your pain . It’s not something you can grow out of , Or move on from, far far away from it . That type of stuff only happens in books and movies . Sometimes even precious dreams, Sometimes nightmares, since no one can help it . I am not beautiful , I never will be beautiful . Accept it , and stop saying I am , stop hoping to change me. Apologies don’t help me anymore, they hurt, if anything. You see how painful it is if I killed myself , how hard it is to move on, But you think I could move on if *you * killed yourself? That’s right, no , I could never move on . No , darlin ’, suicide ain ’t a solution, but it sure would help. Sometimes I wish I could just make everyone hate me, So that *when * I killed myself , they could care less . I don’t want anybody to fall into the grave I ’ve dug for myself . It’s marked by my blood , I dug it , and now I deserve to die in it . Oops, I mean rot in it , I ’m already dead . You think you hurt more then I ’ ll ever know , But the truth is , I could name every single emotion you have. And the sad thing is, you couldn’ t even name one of mine . Now listen, I ’m not trying to hurt you or hate you , I ’m just writing out my feelings, because if I don’t I ’ll scream . I can’ t handle my feelings anymore , I ’m sorry . I don’t deserve you at all, all of you , Caro- Chan , Kels , And even those of my imagination . You’re all so beautiful , inside and out . I ’m so sorry for all the pain I cause you . To love someone , is to hurt them . Because that’s how I ’ve been treated. Kelsey , I love you more then you ’ll ever know . But I also hate you more then you ’ll ever know . You’ve shed light into my heart , sent dreams into my mind , Made me smile and laugh , made me so happy . But then , when it was all beautiful and silver … You snatched everything away from me. Caro -Chan , you ’ re so beautiful and wise. You’ve shielded me from the dark, and protected me . I ’m so happy because you ’re my friend , you ’re amazing , You’re sweet , and you know just what to say . I could thank you a million times , but that wouldn’t do your Righteousness justice at all, not even a little bit . Looks like the shadows of my mind are finally seeping Out of the bullet holes searching for everlasting freedom . The screams hidden behind my smile leak out of The bloody cuts upon my porcelain arm. Pitiful clear water becomes stained with silver Blood flowing into the tub silently . I promise you all, though , that when tomorrow comes , The tears on my face will be hidden , and a smile will be there . The flowing wounds will be healed up and covered by cloth. The water shall be clear once again as it was before . Silver bullets will be put back into place and left untouched. It will be as if this was never mentioned. “Goodnight , goodnight ! Parting is such sweet sorrow That I shall say goodnight till it be ‘morrow … .”
Posted on: Sun, 25 Aug 2013 21:25:42 +0000
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