These past few weeks, ive been finding it hard to sleep straight and soundly. Whenever i wake up in the morning, i always felt like as if i havent slept at all. Sometimes, its because of the teas which i drank that day, at other times by other natural causes. Sleep for me is a luxury coz since i was a kid, i always loved sleeping. Pag may problem ako or if i feel bad, i would just lay down and sleep and feel better afterwards. Coz i felt that when i am well rested, i can better face my problems and tackle my challenges. And most of our problems, stresses and anxieties in life were due to lack of sleep which causes irritability or poor mood, physical exhaustion or were simply just tired. Many times, i would push myself too hard when i am too focused on something. I would not rest until i have finished doing what i was doing. Whether it be reading a book or an article, watching a very long and exciting korean telenovela, doing a project, assignment or organizing my stuffs, i always do my best to finish it kahit mapuyat pa ako. And the best time to do them is at night kapag wala nang tao o istorbo. Hehe :) I remembered when i was a fulltime worker in my former church, there was an incident involving my sleep. We (fulltime church workers) usually slept very late at night, sometimes at 12 midnight or 2am. Marami kasi ginagawa ang fulltime church workers kahit gabi na. And we were required to wake up at 6am every morning. I wasnt sanay magpuyat noon (in my 20s) so sometimes, i would dozed off during our early morning pursuance class na nakaaircon pa ang room. Di ko alam na natutulog na pala ako pati kasama ko, hehe :) Dahil sa sobrang pagod at puyat the whole week, i would sleep my day off para mabawi ang pagpupuyat. I was a late bloomer and so i was still growing and needed enough sleep to function properly and para di magkasakit which rarely happens, thank God! :) My mom was very worried for me coz it never happened to me before that i would sleep so long (from Sunday 5pm when i got home til dinnertime and after dinner to the next day ng lunchtime) but i always woke up more refreshed and ready for another week of intense ministries in church. This pattern lasted for a year and two months and was ended when one morning, after accomplishing some very physically and mentally draining/tiring tasks such as helping the maids carry very heavy load from market to church kitchen thru the stairs sa 3rd floor, cleaning our common bathroom all by myself and reading a few chapters of a spiritual book, i felt a headache and rested for 5minutes before our co-workers morning prayer meeting dahil ayaw ko makatulog pag nagprapray. While i was having my very short power nap which felt like it was for 2hrs dahil sobrang well rested ako afterwards, i was reported and caught by our senior head pastor and called to his office and was reprimanded most severely. I didnt say a word except im sorry... And with tears in my eyes, i went to my room and prayed for direction and guidance from the Lord. In the past, because of my innocence and naivity, i used to think that being a full time worker for the Lord means you have to be in the church to be one, but that day, the Lord revealed to me that it wasnt so. He told me in a very very still small voice that wherever He places me, as long as I am living for Him, i am full time serving Him. My mind opened when i realized that and i knew then that the Lord is telling me to go. Though with a very heavy heart and sad countenance, i informed our senior head pastor that the Lord has granted me permission to leave. He then told me that he wasnt asking me to leave but i felt that leaving is the will of the Lord coz i have learned what i needed to learn from them already. And so i packed my stuffs and left kahit na gusto nila na manatili pa ako with them. Being able to serve the Lord is a great privilege and being someone who wants/loves to serve the Lord is also a privilege. We should never take people for granted or hurt their feelings over a very small matter. A true servant of God is gentle and humble, not harsh/cruel or proud and narrowminded. I learned this during my one year and two months of being a fulltime church worker. I couldnt forget what my senior roommate then said to me after i was reprimanded for sleeping for 5minutes during midmorning. She told me na sana nagkunwari nalang ako na nagprapray kesa nagpahuli ako. And I thought to myself, sino niloloko ko pag ganun? I wont pretend and make a fool of my God dahil alam Nya ang nasa heart ng tao. I was sad upon hearing her comment or advice coz it meant hindi pure ang heart nya and hindi nya talaga nirerespeto si God. She didnt stayed long din coz i heard eventually na wala na rin sya as fulltime church worker. God didnt called us to work for Him but to rest in Him. He is the One who will do all the work, we just need to trust and obey Him completely. Just like what He told me before i returned to serving Him (after 3yrs of no church life) be still and know I am God. He is God whether we want it or not and we dont need to struggle, we just need to rest in Him, in His goodness, faithfulness, sovereignty, grace and mercy. For God knows everything and everything is under His control. #ToGodbetheglory!!! :)
Posted on: Sat, 28 Jun 2014 03:04:14 +0000
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