They think they understand but they really have no clue. They cant hold your hand and they cant do it for you. You hide it so well, the pain, the fear, the sadness and the loss. What they will never know is you still feel lost. You feel slighted and jaded and there is nothing you can do. But get up everyday and remember youre not through. Youve got the eyes that bare your soul looking at you. So you switch gears and look youve got those soft eyes that peer at you with wondering. She wants to know more she remembers to much and sometimes she reminds you that you are enough. You are all she needs everyday and she loves you more in every way. Shes your truth and blessing and your remembrance when you have forgotten. Shes what you love for why you press on. To show her you havent forgotten but you do have to move on. Then there are nights when its quit and unexpected she tells you something that she remembered and how shes been effected. She misses her too and shares all your pain. She holds your hand tells you its ok. Someone so young who understands you so well. She knows when the feelings are there she can tell. So she holds you extra tight wrapped around your neck and tells you she misses her too but knows shes still here. Thats right shes everywhere. All the places you can and cant see you just have to be still and listen and then youll see. No youll never understand my fears and my pains and those who are close will and try and deal with so of the same. Its different for us all I know. Just remember to find those soft kind eyes and hold that tiny sweet hand. She will remind you where youve come from, come to and who you really are. Sweet moments like those is where I feel my momma the most. Like my daughter is me and I am her living ghost. There is so much of her in me sometimes I try not to see it for fear of breaking down and starting the pain all over. But sometimes you have to so you heal. And thats what I do ever day still. She always with me even when I dont think she can be. The love of my child helps me to see that. I will get up every day thankful for what I have and sometimes be sad for what I dont. And when I see those blue eyes and her her call me mommy Ill remember all the good that Im doing. Fear, pain and sadness will be lost. Replaced with as much love as I can possibly give this little girl. All the while remembering it was once given to me by the greatest mom. She stills lives on.
Posted on: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 08:16:50 +0000
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