Things I didnt know about the Bible that I learned from the movie Noah: 1.Noah was trained in hand-to-hand combat by Chuck Norris, and was probably the first member of Seal Team Six. 2. Back in Noahs time, there were magical animated rock creatures. These creatures conveniently serve as a deus ex machina for the completion of the massive Ark via slave labor, as well as a security force to defend Noah and his family from all the people who wanted to catch a ride. God beamed them up after it started raining, when it was no longer necessary to make plausible the building and protection of such a huge naval vessel. They were not in Creation 2.0. 3. Before the flood, the good Lord had created an element that was some kind of glowing, explosive rock/metal substance. This substance was useful for a variety of purposes, from a flashlight to ammunition for prehistoric shotguns. Evidently this element was determined to be unfair by the creator, and so he decided not to include it in Creation 2.0. 4. Noah was an infanticidal maniac, eerily similar to Jack Nicholson in The Shining. Its more than a little spooky how many times that heroes of the Old testament were willing to stab little children. 5. There must have been three zebras on the ark, since the stowaway dude killed one of them, and yet zebras still exist today. Clearly I should have paid more attention in Sunday school.
Posted on: Sun, 06 Apr 2014 01:14:03 +0000
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