Things that have changed since you left: 1) My hands grew new scars. I shredded my palms like old poems, they bled like the reasons I write. Weeks later, my flesh reincarnated into callouses. These hands are not the ones I held you with. 2) I started forgetting things I normally wouldn’t, like dentist appointments, and homework assignments,and what your favorite color is. 3) I learned that some things will always scar your tongue when you talk about them. Like a parents divorce, my 3am emptiness, like your laugh.4) The pieces of you that I kept like secrets in my back pocket washed away with the laundry. 5) I stopped believing that gravity exists between teeth. Tongues carry too many lies about falling. People do not hold gravitational pull, and you sure as hell never fell into my orbit.6) My skin is a shade darker now. It’s refreshing to think that the sun can erase the flesh you had once memorized. 7) My poems hurt less now. It no longer feels like I am writing with broken knuckles. The throbbing has been replaced with the numbness of a scar, it only hurts when you pick at it too much. 8) Certain songs are black and blue to listen to, the melody hurts like bruises against eardrums. Some nights are red to remember, distant embers that are still too hot to touch. Some places flash white when I drive past, like some part of what we were is still pure there. I never stop at those places. Night time is always black, like the left side of my bed, empty. 9) I figured that if hollow trees can still grow, then so can I. 10) I only talk about you in metaphor, words are more empty that way. You are less real that way. 11) I started drinking less vodka and more tea. 12) I have new cells, new memories, new poems, I have new scars. And old scars, just because they don’t hurt to touch doesn’t mean the memory doesn’t make me wince. 13) Memories of you hurt. 14) Forgetting you does not. 14 reasons I’m letting you go
Posted on: Mon, 06 Oct 2014 05:05:37 +0000
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