This article, although a fraction long, is about one of the common causes of depression ... Bullying! Bullying with Efficiency 5/6/2013 I know that the whole bullying topic has been discussed to distraction, and yet recently I have had some deeper understandings on the topic. These insights came from my clients, who, as it often happens in my practice, all arrived with a similar problem in the same week. They also jogged my memory of some of my own past personal experiences. The clients were suffering and feeling as if were being bullied, yet they were having trouble actually describing why they felt that way. The feelings of being inadequate and over sponsored on particular things, were quite unusual and they were not at all sure how to deal with these really uncomfortable situations. Predominantly these people were highly effective, intelligent and genuinely rational people. The grief and sadness that they were experiencing was rare for them all, and also for them unexplainable. There was no doubt in my mind that these clients were being compromised by the people that they suspected of bullying them. The events and situations that they described seemed so trivial to them, and yet they knew that they were having an effect. Most of these clients felt like they were going mad! One woman was crying as she explained “I feel like I am losing my mind, I cant think clearly and yet I know that I am really good at my job and I am really quite bright, now I am making mistakes that I have never made before! Maybe I am having a nervous breakdown.” Her words rang like bells in my ears as she described how she felt. She was definitely being bullied in the office and yet the person who has doing all these things was one of the most popular women in the business. The list of actions from the bully went like this; thumbing the papers in the ‘out tray’ at the end of that day to check the output of my client. Asking questions about a particular job and its progress, and then raising an eyebrow when it was incomplete or had reached a standstill. Picking up coffee cups off of my clients desk, offering to take them back to the staff kitchen and then commenting to my client “When do you find the time to drink so many cups of coffee a day?” When my client needed to pick up her child after an accident at the school, and leave the office slightly earlier, the bully asked her if she was going to start earlier the following day to make up the time. My client had always been conscious of her work time commitments, and was quite insulted to think that she would not ‘make up’ her time and compensate for leaving early. Worse still is the way she was asked if and how she was going to compensate for the time lost to the company that day, when my client was rushing off to attend to her hurt child. Then the rest of the clients came in a steady stream of people affected by bullying. Men and women alike all being bullied, at work or at home, by bosses, workmates of spouses and girlfriends. Finally I remembered the bully who bullies with efficiency. Its one of the easiest ways to bully another. It’s the “I can do it better and faster and more efficiently than you can” style of bullying. This one reminded me of my first days of nursing when the senior nurse nearly ran me over to answer a patient’s bell. I soon learnt from her, that if you want to be considered a good nurse on that ward, just walk quickly everywhere! The fact was, that this senior nurse wasn’t necessarily more efficient than any of the others, who would be happy to teach me things, she was just faster at getting there!! She looked more efficient. My neighbor was another one. I was a young mum with two babies. Each morning, by the time I’d made breakfast, got the washing done in my ‘twintub.’ hung it out, cleaned up several spills and had a cuddle or two, I would be just attempting to stagger into the shower and get out of the flannelettes and door bell would ring. It would be my super efficient neighbor, fully dressed with make-up, for a chat and a cuppa. She would have done all that I had done AND washed the windows!! Then she had the nerve to ask me what I had been doing that morning!! Another stage in my life I bought a rather large business in a country town. The outgoing managers were the types who really didn’t like imparting information, just kept rushing around doing things without explaining exactly what they were doing or why. Questions were answered with, “Oh, don’t you know how to do that?” and then followed with a less than clear or adequate explanation. I felt that if I asked another question I would be declared incompetent, so I found myself nodding blankly and thinking that I would have to work it out myself later. Handover day came and she handed over a huge bunch of keys with no labels on them and said, ”Well you have been watching what we’ve been doing , its all yours now!” Bullying with efficiency is the most astounding way to bully. It implies to the victim, that they are too slow, too inefficient, not capable and that they obviously don’t have the brain power that is needed for the job! For the previously rational worker, who experiences these feelings, they can begin to loose confidence in their own abilities, loose focus and start to make mistakes. Just like a school child that is bullied in the lunch break who can’t concentrate in the afternoon lessons, a similar set of circumstances is created in the office , factory, or home, where in the case of the later the consequences are physically dangerous. My clients were not the kind of people to blame others for their feelings and mistakes, so it took some time and explanation to describe to them the effects on them and their psyche as a result of the hidden, passive, yet intimidating behavior of the bullies. Most of them decided to address the behavior and stop the actions of their bully in their tracks. The felt empowered to change the situation. One very kind woman, could not believe the actions of her workmate were intentional, and unfortunately eventually needed stress leave. Away from the situation, the results of being bullied became clearer to her, and she is making plans to find another job. Looking at our role in the situation, where we are being treated badly, can give some insights that can prevent this happening again. If we grew up with bossy and domineering parents or siblings, it is possible that we accept some of this behavior far more readily than others. It is not until it gets to a high degree of abuse and clearly has a detrimental affect on us that we decide to do anything about it. The answer to bullying is to call the game over and speak up. Often this approach is met with denial from the bully, with insinuations that one should just toughen up! If exposing the behavior has no affect on the bully, then go higher in the organization. If that action does not result in good outcomes and associates are still not being treated appropriately, leave. Find a place where people and their skills are respected. Bullying can caused depression if it is not addressed. Life is too short to be unhappy daily. In the words spoken by Al Pacino in the movie “The Scent of a Woman”… “…There is no prosthesis for an amputated Spirit.” Bronwyn Barter Rebirther Training Australia President Australian Academy of Rebirthing/Breathwork Author “Healing the Dependency on Depression, Are you a Depression Addict?” rebirthertrainingaustralia.au aar/b.au strategicpublishinggroup/title/HealingTheDependencyOnDepression.html
Posted on: Sat, 17 Aug 2013 06:41:55 +0000
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