This happened to me recently and I just really needed to share it. If you are in college or in any part of life really I hope you can relate. It has been an awesome realization. This week. Wow this week. If there has ever been a time when I have doubted my place as a student at East Carolina University, as a future educator, it has been this week. Its been pretty shotty. But aside from all that I have had a revelation this week. And after it happened here is exactly how I described it to Justin, standing in the Hollomans bright and crowded hall way: Okay so, Ive been so worried about classes and math and just that what if I dont pass and dont get into the college of Ed and what if this is a sign that teaching isnt for me or what is it and Im just struggling really hard. What if I totally fail.....Well it doesnt really matter. Because even if everything else fails. I never can fail because Im a child of God. If everything else is stripped away, what am I? Im a daughter of the highest king. And knowing that brings me more joy then anything any degree or GPA or teaching license can ever bring me. I also went on to say I legit never thought about it this way. I mean Ive always known God was with me but Ive never had just peace and encouragement like this before. How could I just now be fully realizing this? its awesome Ive gotta learn to back up and stop looking so close at every second and stressing over every little thing I finished up with: I seriously havent backed away from myself in so long to realize all thats going good and all thats in store. Ive got a lot to look forward to and shouldnt let my struggles Im facing right now dim the shine of those dreams! Im gonna make it some way or another! I knew if I tried to describe it to you free hand it wouldnt come out as real and raw as it did in those texts. I think I have spent so long smiling every time someone tells me they think I am going to be a great teacher. I think I have gotten so comfortable with myself as a future teacher that I have let it so much define who I am. And it stopped me in my tracks. Like who am I and where am I? being a teacher doesnt define me. And what if everything was stripped away? would I be okay with who I was without all those other titles? Would being a child of God be enough for me without accomplishing my earthly wants and desires exactly how I have them planned? Honestly I havent even ever thought of it that way. I am ashamed to say that for a while now I have been avoiding thinking of it because maybe just maybe I have been so caught up that I have felt like not getting into the college of Ed and getting the best grades that that is what I have put my hope in. I have felt like thats what I have to do to feel value in my life. And sitting on that floor pouring my heart out about my struggles surrounded my other women many of whom are college graduates. One of them looked at me and said you never can really fail because at the end of the day you are a child of God Even if I never was to become a teacher. I would still be worth something. I would still look the same in the eyes of my creator. How have I let this slip by me so easily and for so long. When I realized that and when she was speaking into my life I all of a sudden felt a peace I dont think I have ever known. I walked downstairs after and was visiting and for the first time in a long time it didnt feel like I had an elephant sitting on my chest. A weight was lifted. My life doesnt have value because of the things I will accomplish on this earth. My life has value because the greatest gift ever was accomplished on a cross when my savior died and bled for me. Being a teacher is a gift and a path he has set out for me to use to glorify him, Not to use it to glorify myself and use as a place holder for the purpose and the worth HE has given me. I know before I am student, or a life guard or a roommate or a friend I am Abigail, Gods child, that is my definition no matter where I am or what I am doing in life. I know He has amazing things ahead and so much in store for me. I know I have to keep working hard and I know that God is working on me every step of the way. Every season I am in now is producing strength and wisdom for the next season. Another reason this blows my mind is well I am learning that it is little steps and AH-HAH moments. That even when I least expect it he is growing me with every trial that I go through and its really awesome to think that even when I dont feel him or hear him he is still there to well stop me in my tracks. To reach out to me and take my burdens and say Ive been here all along. I am just so thankful for everything. After this week I will admit I have been pretty tough. I cried all the tears out of my body. But even though that happened I still cant help but see all the amazing people God puts in my path to help me along more then they know.
Posted on: Sat, 15 Nov 2014 06:03:41 +0000
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