This is Mickey Williams report from Mayberry by the Sea......the light is growing softer and the shadows are growing longer......the evening shadow is making its way up half the tree in front of me....the sound of a vintage plane high overhead......the soft undulating sound of crickets mixed with a more robust steady buzz that comes in intervals......the swallows are flying above the roofline of the old bordello and the air is really pleasant... I am sitting in a wicker chair under an oak tree next to the studio because when I sit here I get internet from my neighbor.......I fought the good fight with the evil empire (COMCAST) and lost...weeks of exhausting calls to fix a problem and got me no where.....more weeks to fix my bill and got nowhere but the wife fixes it in her first try...I say how did you do that.....she says you have to go to those girls at the counter and say something like this....Im here to fix my husbands bill because he cant do anything...you know how men are.....the girl behind the counter always agrees and next thing you know they are as thick as thieves.....we have a lot to cover today...the what...where...when.....how...whys on the days events in Mayberry by the sea.....The lead story is that my new retro bike called Elvis is out of commission due to massive tire failure...the guy at the bike shop asked if I was hanging the bike on the wall as art or riding it?....I replied both...he said not to ride down the bridge on those tires because they may disintegrate because they were so old.....I made it half a block before the massive blowout rendering the newest member of the news fleet out of commission..............in other news I have added a laundry room to the studio and all it required was a large Tupperware bin...a bottle of Purex Crystals.....and a little elbow grease and my whites have never looked whiter and my colors are sensational....every bush and chair around this studio has clothes draped over them drying in the wind.........while at Publix to get paper products and my new washing machine I see my friend Bill Roettger talking to a woman near the bread aisle...I have had a string of bad luck in here playing practical jokes on people I see in here...the last one resulted with me just putting down my basket and making away with the full cart of a woman I knew who was talking on the phone....when she turned around she said that was her cart!!!!...without out looking back I said not anymore...you got everything I was going to get so its mine now...go get your own ...she was furious......turned out it to be someone else...a soccer mom turned pitbull/Freddy Krueger......so I try again today.....I see this silver fox devil I know who looks to me like George Peppard when he played Banacheck or when he was on the A TEAM show......I say to myself.....Hmmmmm...Im going to get him so I walk up and grumble.....Quit hassling that lady and get a haircut hippie!......they both stop and look around and quess what.....I did it again......it wasnt Bill......... and ....I.....WAS....MORTIFIED!!!........good thing I had my shades on.......I am supposed to be at a book signing right now but my eye looks like a monster eye......why?...because it got punctured by the pointed end of a yucca plant......where?....at my house in Mount Plaeasant.......Who?...me.....how?.....I leaned over to pick some rosemary and went right into the needle sharp end.....went through the white part of the right eye turning it blood red.....the last time I saw red eyes like that was when Christopher Lee played Dracula in those movies during the 70s....I was in 4th grade then and went to sleep with a crucifix around my neck after every movie.......so maybe I can blame the mistaken identity on the fact that my eyes was hurting...or maybe Im just a dumbass.......you do not know pain like when you impale your eye onto something......the thought makes you squimish and the pain is just like you would imagine........it will go up there with one of the bad wounds I have sustained....ing second to the time I jumped off the log a couple of years ago down by my marsh right onto a rusty piece of steel rebar sticking out of the ground.....that went through my foot.....or the three broken noses I have had.....or the broken ankle....or the broken pinky and wrist....or the slaserated knee........all of those .......including the many oyster cuts .....yes tonight.....my body is a festival of pain...Lewis Grizzard once wrote...Elis is dead and I dont feel so good either...well my bike Elvis is out of commission and I feel like a festival of pain.......with a vampire looking eye.....a hurt ankle.....a crook in my back....and something is in my craw.....other than that all is well today in Mayberry by the sea....this island truly looks like small town America with the American flags on every lightpost...courtesy of the hard work from our Fire Department .....htey make this island special and do so much here.....I sit here as the the sun is setting into the harbor and the trees are all on shadow now....a Blackhawk helicopter is hugging the coast travelling south.......a flacon flies over my head while I sit here with mockingbirds in hot pursuit.......the afterglow is beginning to hold onto the day for as long as possible but it will be a losing battle...a valiant effort that will and always leads to surrender as the darkness frees the stars from the light and launches to moon to arc across the velvet night...and when that happens...the Shadow will bring me to action first so that we can bring you the news from Mayberry by the sea....the best news source in the world.........and thats the way the tide flows in Mayberry by the sea..........Small town America along the broken coast......Goodnight.
Posted on: Thu, 05 Jun 2014 00:36:19 +0000
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