This is Tony: Sometimes I think i am schizophrenic (sp?). Yes, I - TopicsExpress



          

This is Tony: Sometimes I think i am schizophrenic (sp?). Yes, I have had a rough 2 weeks. I have put my family through a lot. I think the news of not being able to start an experimental drug(a drug that is showing gains in my type of cancer) and starting back on the old chemo was just too much and too soon for me emotionally. I cound not wrap my emotions around any of my feelings.. and I had a lot of emotions come at me! As if having cancer is not enough of an emotional drain on my body and mind. Please do not think I am whinning but…..the ups and downs are hard. I have spent the last week sick,exhausted,confused,ready to throw in the towel,not wanting or willing to throw in the towel, mad, a little happy(many good things come to your mind when you are sleeping/dreaming), ready for the next step,not ready for the next step in all this, and many more emotions…you get the idea tho. A schizo? maybe…but i would rather think In all that I am going through it helps my family and friends become a little stronger and trusting. Afterall, when it comes down to it I am not writing the book. He is! I need to listen and sometimes make my own decisions to get to the real answer. My thoughts last night after a meeting with Pastor Betsy, seeing my parents, talking with Kris, and thinking about my family….. I am not ready to throw in the towel. I will join the living. Past prayers have been answered. Last night I came up with this decision on my own…..or did I? I think not but, it is what I want and He wants too. Peace Tony.
Posted on: Tue, 26 Aug 2014 16:50:17 +0000

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