This is a long but worth the read. I normally dont use Facebook as an opportunity to put things on blast. As a matter of fact, 9 times out of 10 I am usually the person to turn the other cheek and simply give grace and overlook some peoples mishaps. But under the circumstances that I lost my son earlier today, while both my wife Brandee Butler and I are grieving leaning on the faith we have, I figured Id vent for there are a couple of grievances we both have with some of the things weve encountered today through various friends and loved ones trying to console us. Please guard your heart when you read this, and know that none of the following statements are directed at any one particular individual. I just feel I should share these things for some as a teaching moment. 1.) As Christians we tend to always try to explain life events and circumstances that happen. We tend to always look for a particular reason as to why calamities come to our lives. Sadly, one person I spoke to earlier alluded to the idea that perhaps my wife and I had opened a door to satan for something like this to happen to us. Now, the person, although well-intentioned trying in their own way to offer comfort, did more damage than help. As they were telling me this, I could not help but think of the daily morning and night prayers both my wife and I did as a couple united in agreement concerning our baby and family, the multiple confessions we spoke and confessed concerning both the pregnancy as well as our family as a whole almost on a daily basis, the multiples of scriptures we prayed out loud and confessed, as well as praying in tongues on a nearly daily basis and reading the Bible to our unborn child in full assurance of faith and expectation that he would be born at the appropriate time a healthy child. All of this coupled with faithful church attendance, faithful tithing, evangelizing to the unsaved, hurting, and even the homeless during our personal time, and genuinely seeking to please The Lord. Brandee and I did not have a miscarriage due to some open door or secret sin saints! Moreover, God did not kill our baby as a form of punishment or the like. God does not kill babies, John 10:10 clearly states the thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy. Yet, I have not worked out in my theological mind that satan even killed our unborn child per se. What we do realize is that God is sovereign, this did not catch Him by surprise, and there are things we do not understand and have all the answers to. Perhaps in our pain, God will someday use us to minister to other people affected by miscarriages, or the death of a child, or something of the like. As of now, we dont know! Were still trying to heal and seek Him for clarity of vision and understanding. Yet, we still trust Him anyhow! WHEN A PERSON IS GRIEVING, GIVE THEM YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT - NOT YOUR THEOLOGICAL ASSUMPTION OF THEIR SITUATION - ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU AINT GOT ALL THE FACTS! 2.) I can hardly count the number of times someone has either messaged us or in conversation over the phone told us, Oh, I know how you feel...Ive been there! PLEASE LET ME TELL YOU FIRMLY THAT YOU DONT KNOW HOW WE FEEL! You only can imagine how we feel. Even if you personally had a miscarriage before, you still dont know the specific details or particulars of our situation that resulted in our outcome. Furthermore, in all things you still dont feel exactly the pain that is coursing through our hearts right now! When someone is grieving the death of a loved one, and you tell them you know exactly how you feel, (even if you dont intend to or mean any harm) more often than not you come off to the grieving party abrasive and making the situation about YOU INSTEAD OF THEM! This is my wife and Is personal time to grieve. Saints, stop trying to make it about you by saying you know how we feel. Earlier today, someone spoke to my wife and I in an attempt to minister to us said, When people tell you Im sorry for your loss, dont receive it, and in a kind way tell them thank you but we havent really lost anything because God has our baby in Heaven. He (our miscarried baby) is not lost! Okay, yes it is true that God has our miscarried child in His care in Heaven, and yes Brandee and I will see him in Heaven. However, WE STILL LOST SOMETHING! Where were you earlier this afternoon when I saw the young boys innocently playing ball with each other, and I realized that the child, my son, I so was looking forward to playing ball with and raising him up teaching him about life, I WILL NEVER HAVE THAT OPPORTUNITY ON THIS SIDE OF HEAVEN! We wont get to change his diapers, we wont get to hear the sound of his voice when he cries, NOTHING! WE DID LOSE SOMETHING! WE LOST OUT ON AN EARTHLY RELATIONSHIP AND CONNECTION WITH OUR CHILD! So please saints, stop trying to over-spiritualize the situation and just love on us. If I stepped on yo toes today, Im so sorry if you were offended but I felt I needed to address some of this. Brandee and I so appreciate the overwhelming outpour of love, prayers, and support from you all. However, I personally just felt I should address the foolishness along with this. Thanks....
Posted on: Fri, 19 Sep 2014 03:31:44 +0000
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