This is a really horrible day. Both Christmas and New Years were pretty traumatic for me. It makes me uncomfortable to talk about why. I just want to lie in bed all day. So if Im in a bad mood, thats why. Im not saying it to be provocative or contradict anyone or make anyone feel out of place. I just genuinely and literally hate Christmas and New Years Eve for my own reasons. Anyway, I clearly like to see and make others happy, of course. I dont wish the worst on most people and when I get really belligerent at the times when I feel like life or other circumstances have let me down, its mostly a defense mechanism to cover up my loneliness or keep it at bay- and other people who know me can see that. Im still working on that. I am glad that I could apologize to someone who got the worst of that and they just didnt deserve it at all. The things that I said were so disrespectful and there was no place for them at any time. So anyway, Im proud that I could apologize to someone and Im proud that they were receptive. They dont have to forgive me or continue to have anything to do with me, and thats their choice whether theyd like to or not, but I did feel really guilty about that and Im glad that I could sincerely apologize this week. It was a good thing. So, anyway, I hope others have a good holiday season. There are reasons this time of year is especially painful for me and please be understanding that there were a lot of things I was unhappy about previous holidays. Id prefer to be happy but I dont like feeling like Im forced to be happy or show enthusiasm when both Christmas and New Years are particularly ugly for me. (Also, it has nothing to do at all with religion so if there are one or two people on here who might have their own beliefs in regards to that, they can save their breath.) Thank you all for understanding. Happy Holidays to you all.
Posted on: Thu, 25 Dec 2014 13:50:29 +0000
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