This is a status I posted awhile back but since Im a question everything kind of person this one has found a spot back on my wall. Even though it doesnt go over well with some friends.....glad they still like me anyway! :) Children need to know its ok to say “No” at times and question everything. Sure …you bet...they will learn to question our advice and knowledge at times too but that just opens up to teachable dialogs doesn’t it? If we are constantly telling our children to sit-down and do as I say just because I say so, as a child you would tend to either grow up conforming to society or feel invalidated and look for validation elsewhere. But wonder if you are encouraged to express yourself as a child, you can grow up to make a difference in society. The risk of being so obedient is that kids may grow up to follow every person in a position of authority, even if it means not standing up for what they themselves believe. They may be willing to compromise and possibly abandon their moral compass to be approved by the authority. Being obedient and being responsible are two totally different concepts. Yes, children do need to listen to their parents, but also to comprehend the ethics behind the rules and to appreciate the nature of personal responsibility. Rules do not equal ethics, except in a perfect society. In our imperfect world, we must have a place for ethic awareness. If we only use our energy on rules, our children will not know how to handle uncertainty in situations where rules do not exist. A high percentage of our choices in life, while they have certain consequences, do not have rules to regulate our behavior. So children need to learn how to become ethical decision makers when parents aren’t there. That right there is really what we are after in our children…a responsible ethical decision maker….not blind obedience. We need to be clear on why we set rules in the first place, explaining the why and principle behind the rule and be willing to negotiate if they have something worthwhile to add. Kids have some pretty darn good ideas. We need to listen more. We really don’t want children who obey without hesitation. We want them to grow up and follow their moral compass and use wise judgment. Children will be very different and we want them to think for themselves, recognize and listen to their gut feelings, instincts and respond appropriately. We want fitting decisions not necessarily an obedient one. Morality is doing whats right no matter what youre told. Obedience is doing what youre told no matter whats right. Obedience is not a virtue.
Posted on: Tue, 04 Nov 2014 18:43:00 +0000
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