This is an excerpt on RESISTANCE, from my Masters Thesis, written in 2005: At a workshop I once attended, one of the first things the facilitators mentioned was to respect our own inner voices in terms of doing or not doing anything that would be presented. Later on, however, when there was something that I could not go along with and keep my inner integrity, the interpretation was that I was in resistance. I consider that crazy making. What is the difference between resistance and respecting our own intuition, timing and pacing? I think it is a function of knowing ourselves. I have mostly been getting to know myself through trial and error. When I did my ten-day Vipassana retreat, I had a meltdown on Day 7. The leaders there told me about cooking rice: if we do not put the fire up high enough, the rice never cooks, but if we turn it up too high, it burns. They released me from some of the stricter disciplines from that point on. I learned a valuable lesson for myself that day, and developed a touchstone for the rest of my life. I learned the importance of the “less is more” approach. In my determination to understand, one of the ways I used to function in the world was to throw myself head-long into experiences, especially emotional ones, that would overwhelm me and ultimately cause me to shut down. When a circuit is overenergized, it blows. In the end, this is not only counterproductive, but also damaging and often rewounding. Additionally, I read somewhere that “too much, too soon, can upset the balance.” Heeding our pacing and timing is an art. Taoist readings helped me with this. With paying attention and practice, we can begin to sense when something is ripe, and when things feel aligned. It cannot be figured out logically. Questions like When? Why? Who? How? Where? become irrelevant. I’ve seen for myself the contrast between certain decisions that I made rationally that did not turn out well at all, and where I went with something because of a gut feeling, which brought gratifying results. I am also wary of whether these gut feelings come from acting out or not. I have to keep checking constantly to keep myself honest. It is a question of understanding our motivation in any given case.
Posted on: Fri, 19 Jul 2013 14:58:40 +0000
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