This is an open letter to Katy. I hesitated to make it public but I want to share the beauty that is Katy and Nathans love for Harrison. Katy wrote me a letter back in March, thanking us for allowing her to be our second birth coach. This is my response. Dearest Katy Im supposed to be getting ready for work, during which I would be blasting my music and drinking coffee. Instead you have come to mind, like you have been every day for the last two weeks. This morning though, Harrison was also on my mind and so the combination of the two of you brought back the memory of the letter you wrote to us, for Harrisons second birthday. I dont have the courage to respond to the letter verbally to you fully. Especially now as you are fighting the toughest most badass battle I have ever had the honor of witnessing. Im sure it is no surprise to you when I say that your letter made me cry, as you have come to know me well and most things make me cry. This is why Im writing now (and crying anyways, unabashedly). I dont know if I have said it enough in our experiences together but having you as our second birthing coach was really a no-brainer. Absolutely 100% no brainer. While I did ponder both of our mothers as options, what people might not know about me is that when Im in pain I get very anxious, irritable and generally b...grouchy. Fraser has witnessed my moments of anxiety on more occasions than I care to admit. Fraser has also witnessed my feelings of guilt, uncertainty and anger when it came to getting pregnant out of wedlock, and the various emotional responses we received- not that this was much of a surprise. Both of our mothers have, at times, done things or said things that have caused me a lot of emotional anxiety and anger. Due to the various emotions surrounding both mothers, aka grandmother to be, it was clear to me from the get go, that this wasnt the route I wanted to take while struggling and battling to bring our sweet child into the world. Though I love our mothers both, there is a time and place for everything. Katy, apart from Sarah Ward, whom I phone for advice after peeing on a stick, you were the first person that we told about being pregnant. Correction- the first person Fraser told about us being pregnant, which in itself is incredibly precious. To us, you are a safe haven. You are a pillar of support. You are a source of unconditional love to your brother, myself and now Harrison as well. We knew that the feeling of safety, your support and unconditional love would be what we needed in the labouring process. Though we had taken classes like responsible young parents-to-be, Fraser and I were slightly terrified of what could happen, what would happen, what if.... the many mysteries surrounding child birth. I think your humor, stamina and huge heart are what got us through it in the end. Your kind and eager husband helped too as someone needed to make sure you got your medication and much, much needed rest. Though you had been out of the hospital after a major surgery for a month, maybe a month and a half, you endured those 27+ hours to help us greet our sweet Harrison when he entered this world. You brought me ice chips and looked after Fraser, you told jokes, took some incredibly beautiful photos and pointed out the most beautiful moment of the entire process- when you looked out the window and someone had written the word, LOVE in the snow in the parking lot. It was so appropriate as the room was so full of love. Katy, there have been times when we have been out in public and people have thought that Harrison is your son. I want you to know that it has never, ever bothered me because in my mind you are a second mother to Harrison. You may be his aunt but you are so much more than that. The support you showed us in that room has spilled into Harrisons life so beautifully. I know that your heart is so overflowing with love for him and for that I have never cared if I was mistaken as his aunt. Finally, after two years of Harrisons life and after a year of being married, I can so very openly and freely and loudly say that I have ABSOLUTELY NO GUILT over getting pregnant with Harrison. None. Part of this is because of the love you and Nathan have shown us. Part of it is the absolutely unconditional love that you and Nathan have for Harrison, and that Harrison has for you and Nathan. So, thank you Katy. Thank you for everything you have ever done for us and Harrison, and for everything you ever will do. Thank you for enduring the grossness during my labour and for capturing so many moments, from Harrisons birth to play dates at the zoo, his precious photo shoot and so many beautiful family moments. Thank you for showering Harrison with so many toys and gifts. Thank you for my beautiful baby shower after being out of the hospital for what, a week? Thank you for all of your incredible support, hard work and financial investment into my bachelorette party, my bridal shower and our wedding, making us a legal family ;). There are so many things that you and Nathan have done for us over the years, that thanks doesnt feel like enough. Please know that always and forever we will remain grateful to you both and so blessed that you and Nathan welcomed Harrison so warmly into this world and embraced him as your own. Im done crying now :) I love you to the moon and back forever. Your sister-in law and in ink. Kathleen
Posted on: Thu, 07 Aug 2014 15:36:41 +0000
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