This is going to be a long one,prepare yourself!, most people dont know, during my third trimester with Jon Reagan, I slipped into a depression and was later diagnosed with hormonal induced depression/OCD. Nothing in my life could not have prepared me for this. Most days I was unable to eat,or even breath. Every moment consumed with an overwhelming desire to end the suffering. Convinced I had gone crazy and was a hazard to my own family.I began searching for anything that would ease the pain. Trying every type of medication,acupuncture anything to ease my mine. All to no avail. So many days my mind and body was so broken,only my heart could call out to God for help. Everyday I woke up and beg God for this to be my last. After giving birth to Jon reagan, it became even worse. I stumbled through each day, in a daze so deep my very soul had been affected. Doubting God,questioning my very existance.barely able to muster a smile for anyone I came in contact with. Over the past year, my struggle has continued. But today,one year exactly, I look back and see Gods hand in every move. I am not back to myself. I am not where I would like to be,there are still days when Satan takes hold of my mind and would have me believe it was all for nothing,but my heart cries out Jesus help me and he takes on the battle for me.every time. I am amazed at just how far I have come.I dont know why God decided to leave me here. I have no clue as to why He allowed this to happen, but for now, this is my cross to bear. I look back and see how far he has brought me,and that tiny miracle baby and my heart shouts with joy. I cant thank him enough, or give him enough credit for all that he has done,and the things I know he will continue to do. My advice to anyone that may be suffering...look up! The Lord can,and will deliver you from what ever situation you find yourself in. His strength is indeed made perfect in your weakness. I want to very publicly say, Thank you God. Thank you for this burden,Thank you for this opportunity to share with others,just how great you are. Thank you for my life,Thank you for never leaving my side. Thank you for the progress I have made and especially for things to come,I look forward to what you have in store for me, because I know, with your help,I will get through it!
Posted on: Sun, 21 Dec 2014 11:39:27 +0000
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