This is great, had lots of conversations about this in the last few months. Many of you know I have had some extreme complex tragedies in the last few years. At each one, there is shock, grief, trauma, then you attempt to digest what is or has happened, then you try to keep up with required tasks of working and running a household, caring for children, I had all of that as a single Mother. Having had multiple, complex tragedies, (stalking, double homicides, brain injury my brothers accident, my sons false arrest (then deployment to Afghan)), there was barely time to move from one to the next never mind recognizing the grief and trauma that was happening, there was extreme pain, fear, terror, the pain I could not describe came from a place I did not know existed the screams I screamed, I cannot imagine hearing, even worse the silent pain when tears fell from my eyes, even when I was sleeping. When the fog starts to lift, which has just started to happen some for me, you start to try to evaluate and heal and ask questions about what happened and who was there and who was not and why? I was often alone, I want to know why? There was so much judgment toward me, my children, it was terror and ugly judgment. There still is. People still have such high expectations of me to be normal. That is for them because they do not want to see the ugly around them, I am that ugly. They have no problem telling me that either. If they could only see them selves. There were others that were there, that one person that would encourage and love and try to help and cry with me. That helped, the judgment hurts. Then I just got cast into another issue of becoming homeless as a direct result of all of this and again more trauma of trying to survive along with more questions, why? God and I talk much about this, he holds me through it. That is what enables me to know that they just do not understand, they do not get it, they do not know what it is like to have to experience the things I have and they do not want to know, they treat me like I have a disease and it is going to attach to them if they hear it or get near it. That is why predators get away with the stuff they do, then many blame others, when they themselves do not take action. I pray by sharing my story that it will accomplish many things. First of course, I am pleading for safety from the predators for my family and I, I still live with stalking and terror. Secondly, that people can learn from hearing how to help or understand those that experience extreme traumas like this. How to interact with victims is so important because it will help solve and sort these things out if you can get beyond your own discomfort of being exposed to an ugly subject to enable you to take action and actually do something to help. I believe the block is that society is so focused on helping from a distance instead of hands on, they write a check to an association. Let me tell you something else, those associations, unfortunately, did not provide assistance for me. You may have written the check but where did that money go if not to someone who experienced as many extreme tragedies as we did? Where is the assistance? At that point we also need to ask where is the problem in this? I am grateful that Rick Warren wrote this. I needed to see it. I felt bad that I have recently had to address some issues with the agencies I went to for help and ask why? Why did you not help? Where were you? Where does this grant money and funding go? It made me feel bad and then I also get lashed out for asking like I am offending them by asking .. I know I am right for asking the question even if they do not like it, that is too bad. It is legitimate and it was my life and the lives of my family on the line, why? Where is the help? Support? Encouragement? These events required so much, some that did help could not stick with it and ended up getting tired of the situation then directed that toward me. Many attach it to ME, not the actual problem. The actual problem is predators, they cause problems all over in every aspect of your life and if there is not someone else there to help and say, hey, leave her alone! Cut it out! Some did that then the law enforcement agencies would not back them up so nothing gets done. Let me tell you, the cycle of abuse is not cycled because of these victims as so many would like the world to believe. Many victims do stand up try to get out, there is just no help. No back up. No protection and the predators are going to act again and again. The men stalking our family, probably murderers, have a history of this, even with that history, when they started stalking us and we screamed for help nothing was done. Why? That is where our trauma started and why so why in this big State of Florida and the other States these men have committed crimes and our church and all these people around us with all this education and training..why am I in this situation? Why have you not done anything? Why after 8 years of stalking, murders, multiple injuries involving many others ..why? I have found myself fighting, literally getting into arguments with people whom have the actual JOB collecting paychecks or grant money or funding, of assisting and serving and prosecuting and arresting and counseling victims when I ask for help they fight with me, push me around, bully me. Because I am toxic to them? Then this abuse cycle exists because you do not take action. There is so much that could have been done a very long time ago to avoid years of trauma on this family and many others that have had to watch it. I want to thank the ones that were there and encourage the others that do not understand it to maybe, try. Maybe, open your heart and your eyes and your ears to understanding and listen, you can ask me anything you want, I will share and talk with you in hope of expanding your understanding that will benefit you and many others, if you chose to listen. Also, there absolutely is corruption in law enforcement and the agencies we trust. They lie, they slander and that is the biggest reason in my opinion why I was unable to get assistance. When people hear from them invalidation that is all they need to turn their heads and it does not take much of a seed planted. I have heard all kinds of things that have been said to slander me, it is sad to try to fight through such extreme situations and have those people be so hateful as well. There is so much advertisement to seek help call this number, go here, then you go in circle after circle after circle, telling your story and pain over and over and then they start you over in the same circle and cycle again. The ONLY THING that is going to stop this cycle is to STOP THE CYCLE. Society also accepts this. It is absolutely shocking that there could be so much and they STILL deny and try to dismiss, TWO MURDERS? TWIN STALKERS/KNOWN PREDATORS MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WITH MULTIPLE WOMEN? 10+CHILDRENS LIVES IN DANGER? BRAIN INJURY? FALSE ARREST? Most could handle maybe one of these tragedies, I have been expected to handle them all with a smile. Of course, I am a failure because I do not meet everyones expectations, have a mouth on me and stand up to them and the predators and anyone else who has something adverse to say. THEN, there will be that one person who looks straight in my eyes, and gets it, they see my heart, my pain, they understand. HALLELUIAH!! By sharing I hope this inspires you to reach out when someone is so hurt and lost and confused by trauma. I understand much of this is a lack of knowledge, we need to expand our reach to others so that we can understand and be more proactive to help rid ourselves of these horrific crimes. What amazes me is how many watch this stuff on tv and when it is right in front of them live, they do not want to get their hands dirty. Sometimes, I am brutally honest. I am because my life is in danger. The lives of my family have been taken and continue to be in danger. When you have stared death in the face, OVER AND OVER AND OVER, and you are alone, you get very close to God. I have had many say, oh God is your protector where is your faith? LET ME ALSO, tell you this, in that moment when you are not sure you or one of your loved ones are going to survive, God is definitely there, I or you or a loved one may not survive physically and get to heaven, that is what HE promised, you will get to heaven. That does not mean I am going to conduct life as normal and walk in front of my predator or put myself and my children in harms way! Your life has to be completely altered when you have predators focused on YOU. I have God, I also have a gun. I could also use a few other human beings for some back up since I am just a woman, a Mother and GrandMother and a sister..OK rant over. For whatever reason I needed to say this today. Be safe out there, tell your children, your brothers and sisters, your family, your circle, your loved ones, that you love them every chance you get because someday, they will not be there. Is it today? This may be my family today, it could be yours tomorrow. These predators are out there and on the prowl trust me, this impacts ALL OF US. I wish someone would listen to me but they do not. But I keep at it..I have listed who they are and there are court records and police reports if you would like to check it out for yourself. Take care, pray and please pray for us, we really need your encouragement right now. Being homeless and having predators is pretty much taking the cake right now. I am in shock that this has continued like this. And if anyone knows of a job available or other help, please let me know. I do listen and try. Thanks, be safe, love Kel.
Posted on: Wed, 23 Jul 2014 14:35:12 +0000
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