This is my goodnight to my Nana tomorrow... My grandmother May, was blessed to have lived from the early 1920 ‘s to 2014…. That is a century.. 100 years to see the end of the horse and cart, the beginning of motorized transport, and a world quickening that was before then unseen in advancement.. to have been blessed with her collective vision is to be admired and adored. I start with this, only because I question my ability to continue, and I apologise in advance if I cannot… the loss of my grandmother has and will always affect me profoundly, both for love and pain of her passing, for remembrance and continued thoughtfulness of her presence, words and being. She was wise, she was loving, funny, intelligent and bold. No one else has yet to teach me more in such a wise and considerate manner. She knew my good, she knew my bad…. Never judgemental, sometimes curious, disappointed, frustrated or sad at my life, but also proud, happy, ecstatic and humbled by some of the better and wiser decisions I have made…. All were judged as decisions, not as the grandson she loved... She taught me well, as she was always a role model of the highest calibre to me, as I know she knew. Indeed, my grandmother loved all family members and friends unconditionally, regardless… fairly and equally… with no favourites… (except for me…wink)….. In the last week of her with us I would like to share some beautiful moments we managed to have… but before that, I’d like you to know that if life had ever troubled me her house was always open, which I always accepted, and we learned to speak a guarded code.. not for secrecy, simply to keep our shared thoughts amongst ourselves…. My grandmother always said, she would want to leave this world, working, driving and living in her own little home…. So she did… possibly an agreement with the management upstairs that was dutifully obliged and fulfilled…. She was never one to complain, in reality, this was the one thing that annoyed me, she always lied to me about her own health and circumstance.. of which I was fully aware, and never let slipped passed, even when she digressed about her “bold and the beautiful” In her last week here with us, she and I picked on the nursing staff openly as a comedy central. We spoke about all and sundry, deep messages (in code) and sometimes nothing at all important…. She assured me she was only there for the old ladies ailment of ‘the runs’ and expected to be released any hour now….. little did we know she was riddle with cancers… beyond return… In the middle where she was medicated for pain (which lasted only a few short days), she told the staff she was having nightly parties, and would be heading off shortly with my wife and I for a quick trip to Bondi and next the trams in Melbourne… that said… we have had ‘nannas room set aside since we returned to the gold coast’, for a peaceful visit.. which she used, from time to time…. In that interim time, when medicated she joked about the furniture doing Acrobatics, and codedly told me deeper things about how she felt, and the situation where she was…. We shared that understanding….. At that time also, she told us about Gavin’s wedding and staying, as we where, at Alstonville seeing the ocean and cows in the paddock and how beautiful it was… which I found striking resemblance as to where we were indeed staying, apart from the cows… but low and behold, as we returned to our lodging, cows (and 1 single bull that she mentioned talking bull to , where present on our return)… I felt it humorous to go and speak to the cows and the bull, as she explained she had done. At twilight I walked down to the duck pond in a beautiful rainforest, and imaged my nan, as a little girl of ten or so, skipping beside me in a blue frock asking me who I was as she didn’t recognise me. I said I was close, not an Uncle but family regardless and to stay with me. She got frightened of the lantana across the brook when we got there and asked if we had to go there (another piece of code we shared many years ago about moving on from life), and I said no.. stay with me, on the walk up the path where it was mowed grass and safe, and we would be fine. That night, I made the spare bed at home in case she wanted to visit. The strange things we do with our sentiment, but done regardless. The next day was our last visit… she couldn’t speak, fully sedated and oxygenated with mask. I sat beside her… as a child, she would put me to sleep by rubbing my forehead to my nose and sing….this I remember as my mother did it also… so I did the same… I rubbed her nose, spoke to her, held her hand and sang quietly into her ear… this I am thankful for, because she managed to half open her eye, and give me the slightest wink… At the very last, I would hope I have her Genes, wish her a speedy journey to somewhere full of light and love, and look forward to meeting her there… this I promised her as she left “ÿou know where to find me, so do not be afraid of leaving alone”… May Austin was never alone…. nor where any others in her presence. Thanks. Love you Nan.
Posted on: Sun, 14 Sep 2014 11:32:43 +0000
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