This is my song for my life right now. As we (Dave and I) wait in the time that seems like for ever, I feel such a pull to lean close in to the arms of Jesus. The safe place I want to be right now. I need Him more than ever before. I had my biopsies and now we wait ~~ though I keep asking myself, waiting for what?, and ask myself over and over again, whose report do we believe? I have had fellow Believers tell me stuff like, you must not have the faith to really believe because you are fearing, if you trust Him like you say, then why use doctors?, what do you need to repent of, what sin are you keeping?, the list goes on and on. On the other hand I have had others say stuff like ~ God must think you are pretty bad-as to give you so much to handle, God will never give you more than you can handle, and no need to ask God why, just believe and accept what He is doing.......... What I believe is this ~ HE IS ENOUGH and no matter what, HE WILL BE ENOUGH FOR ME. Today is one of those days when my body is being uncooperative, one of the times when I want to cry and ask why. One of the days when I want to just curl up on the couch and try to bargain with God for my life. (which I know we cant) Not so much for myself, but for my husband Dave and my kids, my beautiful 15 year old Grand-daughter that is just becoming a woman and there is so much I still want to say to her and go through with her. I find myself asking Dave, did we hear the doctors right? Do you think we might have heard more than what was said? My wonderful husband just answers what I know to be true and then I feel some how cheated. Is this what is referred to as denial? Lord, dont let me whine and be a wimp. I find myself saying this a lot lately. I shake my fist at the devil and yell, HOW DARE YOU!!! How dare you make me fear and doubt my blessings, my promises. NO!!! How dare I. How dare I doubt. I believe that God gives and He also takes. I believe He heals and that whether we receive that healing here on Earth or there with Him, He still heals and delivers. He is NOT a God that lies. No where in His word does He tell us that we will live a life free from pain, sorrow, trials and tests. What He does tell us is that we are to fully trust and believe in Him and what He has for us. With all my ranting ~ I just ask for you all to pray. Pray for me as I pray for you. Pray that we do find the strength to hold on and hold tight when these things do come against us. It is not the tests and trials that get us. It is how we handle them that count. I handle mine with Jesus. youtu.be/1ynX36IgZPs
Posted on: Sat, 15 Nov 2014 17:53:13 +0000
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