This is my story. :) Please no rude comments. I don’t really remember a whole lot about the time from where I was born till I was 5. Though I did have a good life, I lived in a country farm house in North Carolina. We had to move because of my dad’s job. So we moved and I was turning 5. So obviously I was starting school. So we moved and started my first year of school. I wasn’t very good at making friends, I met one and she was basically the only real friend I had. I was super shy, and didn’t like talking. Everyone thought I was gross, fat, ugly, etc… So anyway, 2 years of having that school, right after 1st grade we had to move again. So we moved into the country part of Virginia. The house we lived was really small and I didn’t have a bedroom. I slept with my parents… 2nd grade was the same as any other year but I didn’t have any friends... No one liked me. I was gross and stupid. Later on in 2nd grade I was diagnosed with Arthritis. (In case any one does not know what that is, here: Rheumatoid arthritis (RA) is an autoimmune disease that results in a chronic, systemic inflammatory disorder that may affect many tissues and organs, but principally attacks flexible (synovial) joints. It can be a disabling and painful condition, which can lead to substantial loss of functioning and mobility if not adequately treated.) So let me say that my hands looked different because of it. They were smaller and swelled up. Everyone asked like “ew her hands are swelled up and fat”. I have it everywhere in my body so at any time my joints could swell up. That is when it started getting to me that I was different then everyone else. I’m known as ‘handicapped”… So I’m too different for everyone. 2nd and 3rd grade were the same. Same type of bullying. 4th grade started and that winter was tough. My parents got divorced. My mom was super depressed which made me depressed. Even my older brother was depressed. So my dad left and I didn’t see him for over a year. I had some close friends in 5th grade, but no one understands. 6TH grade started. I didn’t like talking to a lot of people but a lot of people would think I’m emo because I’m shy? Yeah, I’m shy. I can’t help it. My whole sixth grade year went by and it was as if every year, I didn’t see my dad at all, it seemed like he didn’t even care. He never bothered to call me or text me. Once 7th grade started I thought this year was going to be amazing But I was wrong. I wasn’t so much bullied, no-one really liked me (well it’s what it seems) but my mom started dating again. Her boyfriend was something... I knew he was a bad guy. I trusted him with my secrets. But he raped me, about 5 times in my 7th grade. I ever told anyone. I was afraid I would be taken away from my mom. I soon devopeved depression from it. My only escape was to cut. So I did. I never really had friends, but I had a lot of friends online I told stuff to and they understood. In March 2013, I finally started seeing a therapist. I decided to tell her that I was raped. Social services got involved and got a no- constant order on us. So it stopped. I was still depressed. No-one really cared, so in April, over spring break I tried to commit suicide. I was hospitalized. They thought I was doing it for attention and by that point I wanted to die too bad. Later on we soon found out I was bi-polar. Along with depression, bi-polar disorder, anxiety, arthritis, it was hell. School was harder than ever and I missed so many days. School ended and I’m still the same today. Except over the last month I’m now anorexic. My dad doesn’t understand. And yes, In fact I am still suicidal. But I promised my girlfriend and friends that I wouldn’t do it nor cut. So that’s my story, I didn’t mention everything because some of it is super personal. Thank you for reading :) xx - Halleyyy
Posted on: Fri, 26 Jul 2013 05:49:07 +0000