This is personal. But I felt like sharing it. So I just finished watching pay per view of the movie The Faults in Our Stars. I cried without Melissa seeing. But when it ended, I went down the hall to my sons room and laid with him and stared at him while he was sleeping. I cried harder. I cannot imagine a child dealing with and dying from cancer. Then I tried to go brush my teeth for bed and not let Melissa see my eyes. She came to hug me while I was brushing and I cried again. Today I was making an offer on a very expensive home. I was thinking about money for that today, and also about the checks being written this Saturday for charity. One of which I am donating to help kids fighting cancer. And this movie I did not even pick out, but happened to be about this. Cancer is tearing into our world. Into each of our own worlds. It came over me that I want to make a difference in the world, and I have so much work to do. But I also want to mean the world for just a few. I wanted to write this down before my face dries. I wanted to stop and just let my mind be on this. How did I get here? Fifteen years ago, my thoughts were different. I cared more about personal gain than about anything. Tonight, I am feeling whats in me and it is quite something to see me side by side compared to then, to feel who I am through this real emotion. I feel a sense of love that is often hard to glimpse in the fast paces we put ourselves through. Love is a powerful thing. I will get up tomorrow and I will work hard, and I will give, and I will love, and I will never forget what this all means. I dont really even know. But I guess thats the point of it all, we dont. But I will love the search and those who who hold my heart. And to anyone going through personal struggle, you have someone who loves you and I hope you connect with that.
Posted on: Fri, 05 Dec 2014 05:21:56 +0000