This is very long. But also very personal. And I hope it inspires at least ONE soul…. I’m an addict. I’m addicted to nicotine. I smoked my first cigarette at age 21. I remember the first time that I became aware that I was truly addicted. I was about 28 years old and I read a statistic that said “Boys aged 5 and up, who witness their mother smoking, are 60% more likely to be smokers when they grow up.” My baby boys were 7 and 3. My friends, that statistic is true. In spite of reading this stat and feeling the tug on my heartstrings, I did not abandon my addiction. And shame followed. So of course I enlisted a cohort…my husband. Cigarettes were not his jam but I know he’s a man of particular tastes….so I (manipulated) took him to a wine and cigar festival in the Plains, VA. That day I bought him a $50 cigar. He is now quite literally a cigar aficionado, on a first name basis with the families/creators of world-renowned cigar houses. I quit smoking cigarettes, cold turkey in 2007. It was my 11th attempt. I beat it on my OWN! ALL BY MYSELF. Our family had just moved to Charlotte and I didn’t have any close friends here yet. So I started jogging on my treadmill. That was my motivation to finally quit. I would even wear a pedometer to work. I even, almost on a whim, decided to take yoga teacher training in 2009. But then in 2010 life became stressful. One thing led to another and I started smoking again…not cigarettes but cigarillos (think high-end cigarettes, but straight nicotine, no carcinogens, no filters and $16 per pack). My justification: it’s better than cigarettes and my health is crazy good. Did I mention that I would smoke 4 to 6 per day? Now it’s 2014. This past August I started running with one of the women who graduated from my own yoga school. I’m honest with my students. They know I’m very human and although she’s one of my students and training graduates, she also knows I’m a smoker. I ask to join her group for a run one EARLY morning. About a quarter of the way through the run, I’m struggling and declare out loud: “I know what the hell I’m NOT doing anymore.” Greta just laughed at me. But I love her for never judging me. I continued to smoke but I also continued to run: 3 miles per session, twice per week. I always run with at least one other person I know because I’m afraid to go alone. Then one morning as I’m slowly waking up I hear a distinct voice in my head. A nurturing voice. A voice that clearly loves me: “Sweet Stacy…do you realize that you first smoked at age 21. You are now 41. In 20 years, you have only been smoke-free for 2 years.” I opened my eyes and let the shock of that realization roll through me. September 2014 was a particularly tumultuous month for my family. I caught some kind of chest infection and had to stop running the first week. A theater of other real-world calamities followed in our household. But I decided to put myself on a smoking cessation program….I just smoked fewer and fewer cigarillos each day. Until finally….I had a smoke-free day. But it was still a struggle because I WANTED to. Then I went to Healthy Home Market on Central ave and saw my friend Kenya. She is the homeopathic guru of me and my friends. I explained what I was I trying to do and she gave me a detox system and a smoke cessation homeopathic spray. I lamented to her that I wish I could be the kind of smoker that WW is: someone who only needs the occasional cigar/illo. WHY do I end up needing it daily? She calmly and quickly said: You can’t compare yourself to him. How do your family histories differ? Your DNA? Figure out what “gap” smoking fills for you….see an ayurvedic doctor. As a point of fact: I grew up around smokers in my household and WW did not. I had NEVER made the correlation. When I woke up for this morning’s run, my run buddy sent me an apologetic text: she was sick and unable to make it. I was afraid to go alone at 5am but knowing that there would be at least 30 other women on my route from Black Girls Run, I went for it. Today I have been smoke-free for 9 days. And today I ran my longest distance yet: 4 miles. Half way through my run, I was overcome with gratitude and had to fight really hard not to burst into tears. Here I am….WINNING. Only but God. And I kept thinking about all of my strong female friends and their causes who have helped me get here: Greta Barthell, Niche KneeShay Faulkner Felicia Hall White and Melissa Nixon and the whole Black Girls Run tribe. Kelley Carboni-Woods aka iaminfectiouslyhappy/ . I cant tell you how #JERF (just eat real food) is one of my mantras when Im running. Kenya Templeton of Urban Girl Granola World Tinesha Matthews and #spreadlove tineshamatthews/ Setarra Deveaux and Happy Apple Juicery...everyone should have a cheerleader like her. Thank you husband. Deeply. Willis R Winslow has to go through a lot when Im going through withdrawals yall. I leave you with the newest inspiring member of my tribe because her words ring true for ANYONE battling something: We do not heal in isolation but in community. Michelle A. Dowell-Vest of A Gurlz Guide. Om Shanti...divine peace to you all. JAI !
Posted on: Wed, 08 Oct 2014 12:31:02 +0000
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